Phil and Holly don’t shy away from hot potatoes
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TODAY, I have learned silver haired presenter Phillip Schofield’s “mind has been blown”. I am concerned for the star – a “blown mind” could well scupper stardom.
In this troubled world, Phillip Schofield has hogged the headline limelight after being shown a new, quicker way to cook jacket potatoes.
I have seen a clip of the spud magic, performed by celebrity chef Phil Vickery and involving a tea spoon. I thought it clever – a “handy hack”, to use today’s computer speak. One of many handy hacks that are out there.
My mind remained unblown, my brain was not mashed. Perhaps I am, courtesy of 45 years as a journalist, made from sterner stuff than the This Morning host.
My mind is near blow-proof. I once spotted two worms who had entwined in a near perfect reef-knot.
I was sufficiently surprised to call over a neighbour to witness the strange scene, but I retained my mental faculties.
Nevertheless, Schofield’s fleeting cerebral meltdown has excited the media.
The Mirror blared: “Philip Schofield ‘mind blown’ by spoon trick.”
Our own digital edition, BirminghamLive, ran with: “Phillip Schofield in disbelief over trick to cooking jacket potato”. To illustrate the health crises, Schofield is shown clutching his temples.
Phillip Schofield is a man with form. Two weeks ago, the Daily Express informed readers he “grimaced” after tasting new potatoes on air.
The bombshell story carried noholds-barred quotes from Schofield and co-host Holly Willoughby.
Schofield: “It’s a funny tipping point with me. I adore new potatoes, I don’t like potato salad. I don’t like cold potatoes.”
“What?” gasped Holly.
“I don’t know why,” continued Phillip. “I think it’s because they are cold. I like warm potatoes. Is that wrong?”
What’s the great man’s take on cold rice pudding? That’s the question on the nation’s lips.
Phillip Schofield is a man who, for the sake of his mental health, needs to avoid spuds. Thank goodness I thought better of sending a picture to the programme of my misshapen potato that looks like Wayne Rooney.
Paramedics may have been needed.
Phil Vickery’s tip was clearly a step too far.
The chef skewered each end of a potato with a metal teaspoon. The utensil acts as a heat conductor, drastically reducing oven cooking time. The trick/hack cannot be used for microwaves, he stressed.
The revelation inspired the kind of awe usually reserved for Biblical miracles.
The Mirror reported: “Stunned by how simple the tip was, Holly said, ‘no way?’.
“Phillip, on the other hand, said, ‘Oh wait a second’ as he gestured that he was mind-blown.”
I’m not sure what a “mind-blown” gesture is, but have visions of Schofield showing, with elaborate hand signals, that his grey matter was splattered on the polished table before them.
I am as old as water. I possess socks older than 60 per cent of the current newsroom. Therefore, I struggle to detect the news (dictionary definition, “newly received or noteworthy information, especially about recent events”) in many of the current online news stories.
I am wrong. The thousands of hits these strange tales receive tell me that.
Today, Schofield’s spud shocker is topping the charts, but there are a raft of spurious tales in hot pursuit. Readers’ minds are currently being blown by: *WOMAN left in hysterics after mum accidentally fills out census incorrectly *WOMAN thought patio slabs at new home were brown – until she got pressure washer out *PEOPLE left in stitches after noticing X-rated pepperoni pizza design on Domino’s ad (PS: it looks like a penis)
*WOMAN says holding your keys to protect yourself could actually be dangerous *MAN’S “life-changing” paper towel hack stops you from crying when chopping onions.
The phrase life-changing suggests an action that has dramatic, lasting consequences. Amputation is lifechanging. Winning the lottery jackpot is life-changing.
I was, however, a little underwhelmed by the onion revelation. “Apparently the acid in the onions is attracted to water which is usually in your tear ducts. Putting a wet towel on the board makes it go to that instead,” the Mirror reported.
It is, however, a “hack” and, thanks to a digital platform called TikTok, any DIY or culinary innovation is guaranteed a very large audience.
A staggering 830,000 have viewed the onion-tissue tip.
What, I wonder, would my eccentric uncle – a man who dedicated his life to inventing something society desperately needed, even if society was unaware it desperately needed it – have made of the excitement surrounding such lame eureka moments?
He invented powdered water, but couldn’t find anything to mix it with.
He used to tell me: “Never be afraid to attempt something new. Imagine what a berk the person who invented applause must’ve felt the first time he tested it.”
Today, we are too quick to bestow the label of “genius” on the bleedin’ obvious.
May I remind those who are too free and easy with the lofty status of my uncle’s words: “The man who invented the wheel wasn’t a genius. The man who invented the other three wheels – now there’s a genius.”