Danielle boobed by going under the knife again
My grandfather killed himself by eating every key on a piano. He didn’t leave a note
Confessed to the wife I have a thing for Beyonce. “Whatever floats your boat,” she replied. “No,” I told her, “that’s buoyancy.”
I’LL admit to having considered facial Botox injections, but only when my wife’s relatives are planning to stay.
It’s the only way to smile during the ghastly ordeal.
Apart from that, I frown on Botox. My wife frequently announces she wants something done to remove her unsightly, sagging bum. But I’m going nowhere.
Last night, while watching a documentary on plastic surgery, she gushed: “I’d love to step outside with my nose re-shaped.”
Always eager to please, I’ve replaced the doormat with a rake.
I have witnessed the grotesque fruits of too many botched procedures to ever invest in plastic surgery. Metal surgery is much safer – plastic scalpels can bend and snap.
And I speak as someone who has dabbled in plastic surgery. My son’s Action Man needed fixing.
Apart from the perils of possible disfigurement, there’s the addictive nature of cosmetic “enhancement”. The late Michael Jackson was a tragic example of someone who simply didn’t know when to stop.
When they made Michael, they broke the mould – on several occasions.
A bloke at my local actually runs a help group for those addicted to plastic surgery. Recently he told members: “I see a lot of new faces here tonight, which is extremely disappointing.”
Aware of the perils, I applaud Sutton Coldfield former WAG and Celebrity Big Brother entrant Danielle Lloyd for cautioning her friend Katie Price over the perils of over-doing drastic plastic procedures.
Pregnant Danielle told our sister paper The Mirror: “We have both been in positions where we’ve said we won’t have more done, but then we do.
“I don’t know why that is – we’re both mad!
“Maybe it’s also because we’ve done modelling and our looks are important to us.”
Danielle – a bridesmaid at Katie’s wedding to Peter Andre – spoke out after her pal admitted she feared she was going to die following surgery in Turkey.
Her face and bumlifts have been revealed to the media after “brutal” procedures left her “fearing she’d look like a monster”.
Danielle added: “I keep myself in check with therapy and I feel happy.
“Katie says she’s not addicted, but if she starts to feel like she is, I’d recommend therapy.” Danielle is no stranger to going under the knife.
She has received a Brazilian butt lift, a nose job, several boob jobs and liposuction.
According to our digital site BirminghamLive, the 37-year-old committed to a “full body makeover” in 2019. The surgery included breast reconstruction, stomach tuck, liposuction and a “bumlift”.
The decision for yet more work was a surprise. In 2017, Ms Lloyd, a mum-of-four, revealed she almost died as a result of cosmetic surgery, or as the Daily Mail put it: “I almost died: Danielle Lloyd reveals the botched boob job that brought her close to death after she lost six pints of blood during emergency surgery to fix ruptured breast implant.”
Back then, she vowed: “I’ve had so much surgery over the last 10 years that I’ve realised me and surgery are not friends. We need to stay away from each other. Hopefully, fingers crossed, never, ever again.”
But the former wife of Wolves star Jamie O’Hara again succumbed to her demons, travelling to Turkey for the body makeover.
Turkey is something of a cosmetic surgery capital. So are Lithuania, Colombia, Venezuela, Egypt and Romania, which concerns me.
When considering a life-saving triple heart-bypass or brain op, no patient longs to be cut open in Bogota. Yet thousands flock to the above nations for nip-and-tucks.
In 2014, an eye-watering 3,000 men travelled to Mexico and Venezuela for penis enlargements, the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons has revealed. That is just Caracas! Who’d trust the most intimate part of their anatomy to a country in such dire financial straits you probably have to provide your own anaesthetic and surgical implements?
Ditto Turkey. I’ve seen how they slice kebab meat.
All the countries on that list are blighted by extreme violence and poverty. I used to ponder how those barely surviving in the world’s most dangerous cities can beam so readily for TV cameras. I now realise it’s more Botox than bravado.
Yet Danielle bravely travelled to again take the plastic surgery plunge. What’s more, the celebrity “shared her journey”, BirminghamLive revealed.
“Fans can see Danielle being scrawled over with blazing red pens marking the fat she wants sucked out of her bod to recovering with bloody tubes,” our report stated.
“An exhausted Danielle is seen resting up after the op as a vial collects her leaking blood in a series of graphic images. “Danielle courageously shows the goriness of liposuction, with one snap showing a black-gloved doctor pressing pads soaked with blood against an open wound.” For an individual who feels queasy when viewing someone else’s dinner on Facebook, this is, frankly, too much. And I’m puzzled by the thought process behind making the procedure public. As I was whisked into theatre to tackle a wonky appendix, I didn’t inform staff: “Remember to take a few snaps for the family album.”
But I fear the fragrant Ms Lloyd may have unwittingly spawned a new reality show: Celebrities Under The Knife. We’ll be privy to Syd Little having an in-growing toenail removed, Joe Pasquale’s tonsils going south and Piers Morgan being parted from his gallbladder. Actually, I’d pay very good money to view the latter. BirminghamLive’s report added: “The I’m A Celeb star showed off her ‘before’ body ahead of her latest trip under the knife and, posing in a white lace thong, Danielle revealed multiple scribbles across her flesh. “Following the multiple procedures, a bruised-up Danielle breaks down in tears as she’s overcome with emotion after standing upright to see the full effect from the surgery.”
I trust Ms Lloyd will desist from further body enhancements – and even shun Botox, something which, today, fails to raise eyebrows.
Botox is definitely not for a woman who enjoys the media spotlight. It’ll never give her headlines.