A web of intrigue over the mysterious object found in my urine sample

“I DON’T know if it should be that colour,” I gabbled nervously.

“I read somewhere that indicates a lack of Vitamin...”

The good doctor held my urine sample to the light, then raised his index finger in a command for silence.

“There’s a spider in it,” he said matter-of-factly.

After an awkward silence, I asked:

And you can tell that simply by the colour?”

The GP placed the vessel on his desk and fixed me with a steely glance.

“It’s floating on the top,” he sniffed, tapping the jar with the stem of his glasses.

I grappled to understand the ramifications of this medical bombshell.

“I do,” I ventured, “sleep with my mouth open.”

“It would not,” sighed the doctor, shaking the amber liquid, “look like that if it had been through your digestive system, Mr Lockley.”

“Thank goodness,” I sighed. “For one terrible moment I thought you were going to tell me I’d got a spider’s web attached to my gut wall, with the insect catching the food as it dropped down and encasing it in silk...”

“Where did you store this sample?” interrupted the weary medic.

I cast a puzzled glance before laughing nervously.

“Im my bladder, presumably, but you’re the expert.”

“After it had been deposited in the jar?” he snapped.

That would be the pantry. It used to be the fridge, but there was a frightful mix-up with apple juice.”

“Was it uncovered?” droned the doctor.

It was.

He leaned forward. “This is a shot in the dark, Mr Lockley, but I believe this spider fell into it.

“Really?” I gasped. “Do you think it would work with wasps?”