PROOF POSITIVE
FLEX THE MENTAL MUSCLE
“SELF-TALK is a mental muscle,” says Niels, “meaning that, each time you allow it to tell you what it’s thinking, it is becoming stronger. If you allow your inner voice to repeatedly tell you what you, for example, do not have the capacity to do, then the negative self-talk will continue.”
He says reframing our mindsets “will create more headspace for positive thoughts. It involves changing your perspective of a certain situation to provide a more positive and meaningful outcome.”
RECOGNISE WHEN YOU’RE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS
LOWRI notes that when we experience high levels of negative emotions – like anger, jealousy or fear – it’s very easy to jump to conclusions about whatever the situation is.
“When you do experience these emotions, it’s important to give yourself time and space to let everything settle. After this, you’ll be in a better position to take a step back from the situation and rationalise your thoughts,” she says.
Niels says this is a classic symptom of ‘personalisation’ self-talk. “For example, your friend hasn’t responded to your text and you start telling yourself it’s because you’ve upset them. The next time you start to feel that you’re to blame for something going wrong, take a deep breath and ask yourself: Is there any evidence to support your claim?
What are some other realistic reasons?”
Or if you’re ‘catastrophising’ and thinking the absolute worst, he says: “Ask yourself: How likely is this to happen, and if it does, what implications will it actually have on your life, in the grand scheme of things?”
PUT PEN TO PAPER
ASIDE from recognising and breaking down sources of negativity, it’s important to focus on joy, contentment, gratitude and excitement too, says Lowri. She suggests writing down three good things – no matter how big or small – that happen each day. “Over time, your brain will learn to pay more attention to the good things that are happening in your life,” she says.
Journaling can also be a way to recognise your accomplishments, and ensure you’re not engaging in ‘filtering’ negative self-talk (where you ignore the good you’ve achieved and focus on what you haven’t).
PROMISE TO BE KINDER TO YOURSELF
YOU may be prone to ‘polarising’ self-talk, where you see yourself as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and nowhere inbetween.
For example, you decided to go stick to a healthy eating plan in lockdown but slipped up and ate lots of chocolate, and you beat yourself up about it and tell yourself that you’ll never be able to be healthy.
In this situation, Niels says to treat yourself with more kindness and patience: “If you ate unhealthily one evening, it does not mean your diet is ruined.”
SET ASIDE TIME FOR WORRY
IT’S often said everything feels better in the morning, so if you find yourself thinking negatively in the evening – possibly about the following day – acknowledge the thoughts but don’t let them take over your evening.
“Set aside just five minutes to worry in the evening,” says Lowri. “That way, when worries pop into your head, tell yourself you will deal with them during your five minutes. The rest of the day becomes a worry-free zone.”
KNOW THAT YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND POSITIVE
“WHEN we feel happy or positive, we can sometimes sabotage these feelings by thinking we don’t deserve them or that they won’t last,” notes Lowri.
“It’s important to change your mindset and see happiness as an experience that comes and goes.
This enables us to let go of the unachievable goal of eternal happiness and lets us enjoy happiness when we experience it.”