3 OF THE BEST...
ahead, and feel no guilt,” she continues.
“If your child objects, a quick show of your monthly incomings and outgoings should bring them up to speed. But even if you don’t need the money, some parents believe paying at least some rent helps bring home to adult children the terrible truth that things cost money, and nice things cost even more money.”
And Suzie adds: “It’s not a good idea to ‘help’ them by letting them become irresponsible. It’s incredibly important as a parent to help your children become self-sufficient and responsible, and if you take the responsibility of paying rent away from them, while it may feel like a holiday for them at first, what it’s actually doing is setting up bad habits.”
Both Suzie and Justine agree it’s ok for parents to be lenient with rent if their children are job-hunting, or saving up to buy a house etc.
“If they’ve got jobs and money, they should contribute,” stresses Suzie.
“If they’re desperately saving for a mortgage or rent then maybe you could be lenient, but it’s incredibly important to say you’re not a dependent child, you’re an adult, and if you haven’t got money to contribute to the house then you contribute work.”
WHAT ABOUT CHORES?
“EVERYBODY in the house should be pulling their weight,” insists Suzie, who suggests families may choose specific chores for specific family members, or perhaps allocate them on a weekly basis.
“Adult children are benefiting from living in the household and getting clean clothes, food etc, and they also need to put into it.”
THEY SHOULD BEHAVE LIKE GROWN-UPS
ADULT children should behave like grown-ups “for the sake of their future partner’s sanity, if not yours,” says Justine. They should do their own washing up, and buy more milk if they use the last of the bottle.
“It’s just good manners,” she says. “The bottom line is you should never, ever find yourself picking up their dirty pants.”
PARENTS SHOULD RESPECT THEIR CHILD’S ADULTHOOD
“YOU’RE dealing with adults, so their social lives and their sex lives are their own, and not for you to comment on or make any rules about,” stresses Suzie.
“You can say ‘Not under my roof’, although I think that’s pretty unreasonable, but you certainly shouldn’t be saying there’s a curfew, I don’t like your friends, etc.
“They’re adults and you should give them the respect you’d give your friends. How you manage all this is mutual respect.”
PARENTS SHOULD BE TREATED WITH COURTESY TOO
SUZIE stresses that adult children shouldn’t expect to ‘swan in’ and be looked after like little children while enjoying the privileges of adults, and they should treat their parents with courtesy if they expect to be treated with respect themselves.
“Things like going out – that’s a matter of courtesy – are they going to be in for a meal? That’s not telling them when they should be home, it’s about how many meals you cook and it’s a matter of courtesy for adult children to be at least explaining their schedule or telling parents what they’re doing. But that’s not for parents to regulate their child’s behaviour, it’s simply about the child being courteous.”
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