Three simple steps to help us deal with our daily dilemmas
E all face tricky dilemmas from time to time. Should I change career path or stick with my current profession? Should I buy a house or continue to rent? Should I leave my partner or try to work things out?
When faced with a dilemma our minds can easily become consumed with making the “right” or “wrong” choice, mulling over the predicament again and again while we try to decide on one option over the other.
In reality, it doesn’t tend to be as clear cut as there being a right and a wrong choice; just different options each with their own pros and cons.
It follows then, that making a list of the pros and cons of each option is often advocated as a good place to start when faced with a dilemma.
I agree: if you haven’t formally considered the advantages and disadvantages of each option, then making a good old-fashioned list of pros and cons won’t hurt. Sometimes, seeing the pros and cons in black and white can bring more clarity than thinking about a situation. However, sometimes, weighing up the pros and cons isn’t enough. I recently came across a useful list of 10 steps for any dilemma by Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap. Here are my favourite three tips: Firstly, there is no way not to choose, or in other words, you are already making a choice. Take the above examples: every day that you stay in your current job, you are making a choice not to change career path; every day you don’t leave your partner, you are choosing to stay.
Next, acknowledge and respect today’s choice. Say to yourself, “today I choose to stay with my partner” or “today I choose to stay in my current job”. Then respect your choice by acting in accordance with your values. Ask yourself, “What kind of partner, employee or colleague do I want to be today?”
Finally, rather than being perpetually distracted by your dilemma, set aside 10 minutes to reflect on the choice you make each day and to consider your options going forward. To focus your mind, do this wholeheartedly and without distractions.
For the full list of 10 steps visit