‘I’m not the mum I thought I’d be, and that’s ok’
A MUM has been praised for openly sharing her battle with postnatal depression.
Jennie Frost’s mental health suffered following the births of her daughters Layla and Lois, now aged six and three.
Looking back on those times she admits she felt ‘lost and sad’ as everyone around her ‘looked like the mum I thought I’d be.’
Now on the road to recovery – and making her peace with ‘the loss and the difference between my expectations and the reality’ of motherhood – she’s described her journey in a moving Facebook post.
Writing on her Snowdrops PND Support page, Jennie, who lives in Woodley, Stockport, asks whether anyone actually is the mum they thought they’d be, and urges other mums to be kind to themselves and to look out for others.
She says: “Before I had my babies, I knew the mum I thought I’d be. I’d be fun, relaxed and take my kids everywhere with me.
“Before I had my babies, I knew the mum I thought I’d be. My small ones would join us and sleep anywhere, they’d come along for the ride.
“Before I had my babies, I knew the mum I thought I’d be. I’d be happy, never shout. Just like me but with small additions in our family.
“When I had my babies, I wasn’t the mum I thought I’d be. I was teary, stressed and anxious. They only napped or slept at home and when they slept I stressed or slept because my mind was crumbling.
“When I had my babies, I wasn’t the mum I thought I’d be. I felt lost and was sad at times. My life looked nothing like it used to be. I looked around and everyone looked like the mum I thought I’d be.
“When I had my babies, I wasn’t the mum I thought I’d be. I needed space at times because of the exhaustion and I grieved the months I lost to PND.
“Now my babies are growing, I feel calmer and moving towards recovery. I’m making my peace with the loss and the difference between my expectations and the reality.
“I’m not the mum I thought I’d be, are any of us? I am a good mum. I’ve loved my small ones in the storm and through the other side and in a strange way I wouldn’t change that. “I’m not the mum I thought I’d be and that’s OK. I will always teach my small ones that it’s OK to not be OK and look out for mums who are wondering if anyone is not quite the mum they thought they’d be. “So today if you are not the mum you thought you’d be, be kind to yourself. Tell someone and know that this too shall pass. You are a good mum and will always be.”
Jennie’s first bout of postnatal depression went undiagnosed for almost 18 months, until she eventually attended a PANDAS peer support group in Didsbury.
She said: “I was nervous at first and a little sceptical that spending time with other depressed mums would help, but it really did.
“When I had my second little girl in 2015, I struggled again and in 2016 as I started to feel better I set up Snowdrops in Stockport as we had moved house.
“I wanted to provide a space locally where mums can come along no matter how they feel and be honest about their motherhood journey.”
The 34-year-old, who is married to husband Jonny, told the M.E.N. why she decided to share her post and about the reaction she has had from fellow mums.
She said: “So many of us head into motherhood with an idea of what we will be like, but that can be very different to the reality, particularly if your experience includes mental illness. I wanted to use my experience to reach out Jennie Frost and let others know they are not alone.
“I think expectations on motherhood are so unrealistic now and it’s posts like these which hopefully break some of those down and help people to feel less alone.”
Snowdrops welcomes mums from Stockport and South Manchester and is sponsored by Bloom Baby Classes . Regular meet-ups are held from 10am-11.30am on Wednesdays at St Marks Church Hall in Bredbury, SK6 1BX. For more visit the Snowdrops website, see the Facebook page or follow @ jensnowdrops on Twitter and @ stockportsnowdrops on Instagram.