Founding FATHERS
MEET THE COUPLE ON A MISSION TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR GAY DADS TO HAVE CHILDREN
IT was June 2012 and rainbow flags were draped all over Hurst Street in Birmingham.
Among the crowds flocking to watch the Birmingham Pride parade were Mike and Wes – they arrived separately but left together. Within six months, they were engaged and two years later they got married.
For both Mike, 40, and Wes Johnson-Ellis, 42, it wasn’t their first marriage. They had both previously tied the knot with women and Wes has a 15-year-old daughter from his first marriage.
He said: “I got married at 20 because I thought that was the thing to do and was how I was able to have a family.
“I didn’t know anybody when I was in my early 20s that was gay and had children.
“I came out when I was 24, and I decided to do it knowing it might have to be a trade off.
“I told myself that I could come out and be happy, but the trade off was that I probably wouldn’t have any more children.”
When Mike and Wes got married, they knew right away they wanted to have children.
Mike said: “We looked into what the options looked like, whether that was international or in the UK. We realised there wasn’t a lot of advice for same-sex parents. We had to find everything ourselves. It was a good three years or so of research.
“Some of the surrogacy services we found weren’t particularly safe for the LGBTQ+ community and some of them were very much out of our price range.” Wes said: “After a number of trips abroad, we decided the UK was right for us..
“We wanted to play a role in every step of the surrogacy, we wanted to be there for every scan and see our baby grow.”
The next step was to find a clinic that had experience working with gay men and was ‘gay friendly.’
That’s when CARE Fertility in Moss Side became involved.
Wes said: “The team there were really knowledgeable. They had had some previous experience with supporting intended fathers on the journey.”
Using Mark’s sperm, the couple found an egg donor that matched Wes’s characteristics, such as his hair and eye colour.
They then hunted for a surrogate mother and went to meet her.
Mike said: “We hung out for quite a while and met her family. We were embarking on something that was huge for them as well as for us, so it was important we had that bond.”
Through surrogacy, Mike and Wes now have two children – Talulah, born in October 2016 and Duke, born in August 2019. And their years of research have encouraged them to help other would-be parents on their journey.
The couple, under their TwoDads.U.K brand, have started running ‘surrogacy information’ events for men wanting to start a family. Having held two events in London, Mike and Wes are now bringing it to Manchester for the first time this month.
Mike said: “We didn’t have things like this when we wanted to have a baby. We had to do the research ourselves but it’s really quite straightforward when you’re pointed in the right direction with the right information.”
The couple are also ‘avid’ campaigners for equality when it comes to parenting. Governed by the 1985 Surrogacy Arrangements Act, many hospitals will often require surrogates to leave hospital grounds to ‘hand over’ the newly-born baby in order to diminish responsibility in case of any legal disputes.
Another aspect of the Act is that there is an immediate six-week time period from birth before a formal transfer of parental rights can be applied for in court.
It can usually take around four months for the process to occur, and during that time there will be safety assessments and home inspections.
Wes said: “If you’re new to it, it can be quite a daunting process.
“That’s one of the things we try to educate people on and what the process looks like because it’s quite a nerve-wracking time.”
Mike and Wes said their own experiences at hospital have also helped impact a possible change in the law.
Mike said: “The hospital had never had a surrogacy journey before and had a lot of outdated policies and guidance.
“We felt we were being discriminated against and we actually had to involve our lawyers at one stage.
“But we were able to resolve things and help rework the policies there to be more inclusive.
“We kind of set that level of expectation. We’ve since worked with the Department of Health to help to rewrite guidelines for surrogates and intended parents.”
Following a consultation last year, the Law Commission is now expected to produce a final report of recommendations for reform and a draft bill in 2021.
The couple are also fighting for a change in changing rooms for dads, with their #DadsChangeToo campaign.
● TwoDads.U.K will be holding their ‘Your Route to Fatherhood’ surrogacy information event in Manchester on March 28. For information go to www. twodaddies.co.uk