THE HOBBIES
ANNOYING PRAMS
IF you’ve always been able to walk wherever you please, it’s quite a change to suddenly have this clumsy wheeled thing with you.
On the other hand, I’ve saved a lot of money by just not fitting into my favourite stores any more with my double stroller.”
THE PEE, THE POO, THE VOMIT
OF course I’d heard the jokes about these a million times.
But it’s not possible to quite grasp the feeling of constantly dealing with another person’s bodily fluids (or indeed the concern/relief/pride they may cause) until you’ve actually done it, sometimes on a hourly basis, for months.
DOING EVERYTHING AGAIN AND AGAIN
BABY care is all about routine and repetition, and I’m being told this isn’t going to change much in the nearest years. Changing thousands of nappies and saving a toddler from hurting their head for the millionth time will just give way to packing endless lunches and discussing curfew all over again. ‘No! No, no, no!’ at first.
MOST of the people with older children I know are spending their evenings driving the kids around to football practice and guitar lessons (the normal ones) or architecture club and parkour workshop (the scary ones).
Is it ok to tell your child ‘go to your room and read a book, there’s a hobby for you’?
THE MONEY AND THE SPACE
BABIES don’t take up that much room, although their belongings require a disproportionate amount of storage space. And they don’t sneer at secondhand clothes or toys. Teenagers, though, will require an entire room, fill it up with ugly and expensive things you have to pay for, and lock themselves in there to sulk and/or consume suspicious internet content.
THE EXPECTATIONS
I’VE only been a mum for a year-and-ahalf and I already have the feeling the kids aren’t going to turn out at all the way I imagined. This may be a good thing.
■ The Little Book of Bad Moods for Mothers by Lotta Sonninen is published by Bloomsbury, priced £5.99.
Babies will try your patience