I’M READY FOR THE NEXT STEPS
SO, now we know the Government’s five-step plan to lift the UK out of lockdown. Or I think we do, or we might do. Of course, they are all subject to change.
Yeah, Boris’ address to the nation wasn’t exactly the most illuminating broadcast ever was it? And to think I put off my Sunday night soak to watch it.
Other than the fact that more people can now go to work if they have to, you can give the garden centre a visit and exercise outdoors as much as you like, not much will have changed for most of us.
For me, personally, home working is set to go on into the summer, that dinner in a fancy restaurant or a cosmo in my favourite cocktail bar still looks to be many months off and it’s probably best not to think about when I will next be sitting on a sandy white beach somewhere scorching hot.
But, in an attempt to stave off the blues and to make my eventual re-emergence into society less of a shock to the system, this week I have laid down my own five steps towards easing lockdown. All well within the current government rules of course.
Allow me to share them with you:
1. I will limit my wearing of gym kit to a half-hour period either side of my actual workout. I am not a yoga teacher by profession so I probably shouldn’t spend the whole day dressed like one.
2. I will do something about my roots now that I know hairdressers are likely to remain closed until at least July. Actually, to use government parlance, I am already ramping up testing on this one. L’Oreal Magic Touch Instant Root Spray in Dark Blonde may just be my gamechanger.
3. I will slap on some fake tan. With my social media feeds full of friends showing off their ‘back garden bronzies’ thanks to the recent hot weather, the time has come for me to get the St Tropez out. I don’t think my legs were this white the day I was born...
4. I will slip on a pair of stilettos and do a lap of my driveway every day just to remind my hips how it feels to walk in heels.
5. And finally, I will stop eating all the banana bread because maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon I will have to wear something with an actual waistband rather than one made from stretch elastic.
IN OTHER news this week, because there is other news than coronavirus – you just have to look really hard for it – Eva Green has declared that high heels are “anti-feminist”.
Speaking to Town & Country magazine while promoting her new movie Proxima, the Casino Royale actress said: “My mother would tell you – I should know how to do my hair, to make an effort. I ought to wear more colours, to be more of a woman – but I like comfort too much. High heels just feel really anti-feminist to me. We’re like birds on stilts.”
Forget feminist ideals, after two months trudging around in trainers and slippers, I cannot wait to go out looking like a macau in a pair of Manolos.