I was ashamed to tell my mum when I had counselling at 17. There is less stigma now
TV comic Romesh Ranganathan chats to LUKE RIX-STANDING about mental health, trying to be a good dad, and how he hasn’t quite got life worked out yet
ROMESH RANGANATHAN has legally been an adult for 24 years – he’s 42 now and has three sons – but it may take another 24 years for him to feel like a real grown up. “I feel like I’m pretending to be a dad, pretending to be a husband, pretending to be a comic,” he says.
“You fall into the trap of thinking everyone else has got their s*** together, and it’s only when you talk to people you realise nobody’s really got a clue.”
It might seem surprising, then, that his new book, As Good As It Gets, is as much life coaching manual as memoir, but Romesh reckons ‘not having it nailed’ is enough qualification for discussing what ‘not having it nailed’ is like.
A 250-page arm-on-the-shoulder, this book-of-all-trades rollicks through life’s most relatable mishaps, from the perils of parenthood to the atrophies of ageing, concluding that a certain amount of failure is normal, unimportant and rather funny.
Grumpy, self-deprecating, and drier than a desert, fans of Romesh’s stand-up will find the humour delightfully on-brand, but there’s also an honesty that can only come with genuine personal revelation.
The musings about married love life are both relatable and strangely touching (“there’s little chance we’ll wake the kids”), while at the other end of the scale there’s a fabulously vile anecdote revolving around diarrhoea. He spills the beans with heartfelt sincerity and gratifying vulgarity, sometimes both at once.
“Some of the things I wrote, I thought ‘Do I actually want people knowing that?’ But it’s the same as it is with stand-up,” he says.
“If you feel embarrassed to say something, that probably means it’s a good thing to talk about.”
It helps that, despite his protestations, Romesh surely has more clue than most.
He has an impressive knack for observation – of his family, of humanity, and of himself. He points out society’s foibles by identifying them in his own behaviour so manages to criticise without discomforting.
“It’s in a comedian to drill down on things,” he says, “and I’m always trying to find a take on something that hasn’t been explored much. We all do s****y things and behave selfishly, and I wanted to try and get to the bottom of why.
“In one chapter I discuss how I cancel on people at the last minute, which is a s****y thing to do. But then I thought ‘why do I do that?’ I’m not trying to f*** them over, so there’s obviously something more to it.”
He’s a case study in the difference between identifying a problem and actually solving it, and one is reminded of that old adage, ‘do as I say not as I do’.
“I realise I’m deeply flawed,” he says, “but I accept I’m probably not going to correct it. I’ll try but the truth is you have to manage it.
“For example, I find my lack of organisation deeply frustrating and I’ve tried to tackle it, but sometimes you just need the self-awareness to accept it and factor it in.”
It’s all very down to earth, and challenges a lot of the preconceptions you might have about being a stand-up comedian.
Romesh writes at length about his limited social energy and regular ‘foot in mouth’ moments, and finds it harder to negotiate the mums and dads at the school gate (his sons are aged 11, 9 and 6) than gig audiences of thousands.
“There’s a lot of stuff I say on stage I could never say in conversation,” he says, “and when you’re performing, people don’t judge what you say as much. It’s a weird dichotomy, but I feel less exposed saying things in a book or on TV than I would if having a personal chat with somebody.”
Much like one of his routines, the book rattles from topic to topic, shining light on most of today’s social issues. He comes out in favour of tattoos, his children and good manners (“I have gone off at friends because of the way they have spoken to service staff”). He’s much less fond of racism, other people’s children and social media.
The last notches particularly filthy reviews, especially since, as a professional comedian, it’s practically part of the uniform.
“There are positives to it,” he says, sounding unconvinced, “but it’s just so brutal. It’s so faceless that people show the absolute worst sides of themselves.”
“It’s not healthy to have a direct stream of opinions on what people think about you – good or bad. When I’ve had shows or books out, the instinct is to look on social media and see what people think, but even if loads of people say they enjoyed it I’ll focus on the one person that didn’t. I very rarely log on and feel better afterwards.”
Mental health also earns its own chapter, and Romesh first attended counselling when he was 17.
“Back then I was ashamed of it,” he says, “and I didn’t tell my mum because I thought she’d think I was nuts.”
Reflecting that there is “less stigma now”, he says: “I’d like to see schools helping children be more comfortable opening up. I know it’s the parents’ job too, and massive inroads have been made, but we’re still nowhere near where we should be.”
Parenthood sees
Romesh at his most relatable and he has little time for the one-size-fitsall parenting gurus that attempt to optimise child-rearing. There is no such thing as a parent that knows what they’re doing, he says, and those that think they do “haven’t got a full appreciation of what’s required”.
“Before we had our first kid, we thought we had it nailed,” he says, “but every day you have to make tens if not hundreds of choices about what to say to your kid in certain instances, and you make terrible decisions. I’ve been very honest with my children about it. I’ve said ‘look, this is my first time doing this’, and I apologise if I think I’ve called something wrong. I want my kids to know I’m a human being, and human beings make mistakes.
“When your first child is born, you’re still the same person you were before and you’ve got to figure it out. You don’t have to be this all-seeing eye. As long as you care – everything comes from that starting point – you’re probably alright.”
Ever-present in his books, his routines, and (obviously) his life, his wife Leesa is his perfect partner-incrime, and a valuable testing ground for – and subject of – his jokes. “I talk about her a fair bit,” he says, “but she’s so unbothered, it’s remarkable really.
“It’s dangerous because she says ‘yeah you can say that’ and then, when I joke about her, her friends are horrified.
“If there’s one thing I’d like to communicate to the general public it’s that I do get authorisation. She says it’s OK!”
PICK OF THE WEEK THE GRAND TOUR PRESENTS: A MASSIVE HUNT Amazon Prime Video
‘BOULDERS the size of washing machines and ruts so deep you could fall into them.” This is, according to The Grand Tour presenter Jeremy Clarkson, a fitting description of the perils served up by the island of Madagascar.
Remotely situated in the Indian Ocean, both Madagascar and Reunion Island, 435 miles to the east, are locations for the forthcoming Amazon Prime special, The Grand Tour Presents: A Massive Hunt.
Following on from the trio’s last adventure, which saw them swapping cars for boats in order to explore the South China Sea, the intrepid explorers are set to return, this time opting for the familiar comfort of four wheels and dry land.
Their mission, as always, remains a little unconventional.
Embarking on a treasure hunt that has evaded some of the greatest and most creative minds on the planet, including that of James Bond creator Ian Fleming, presenters Jeremy Clarkson, 60, James May, 57, and Richard Hammond, 50, set out in search of glory (and riches).
“I’d never been, so I came up with this idea that we should go to Madagascar,” says Jeremy.
“Hammond is obsessed with pirates, so he jumped up and down and squeaked a lot when I said it, and then much to my better judgment, we decided it was going to be a pirate-based story.”
It’s a topic of conversation co-presenter Richard is quick to enthuse about.
“I love the romance, the idea of a pirate era because I’m a child,” he declares.
“Supposedly a very famous pirate scattered his treasure there and then threw clues to the crowd shortly before he was hung.”
THE AMAZING LOCATION
“IT’S bigger than Germany, that’s what people don’t realise. It’s an enormous country and it’s absolutely spectacular,” says Jeremy of their Madagascan filming location.
“I think the most beautiful place I’ve ever been is the Seychelles and actually, geologically speaking, Madagascar’s probably from the same rock formation.”
As for the local highlights, Jeremy goes on to note that the nation has the “fascinating ability to put extra syllables in every single word” and that there are “unnecessarily long, long, long names”.
“The president’s name, last time I looked, must have got 300 letters in it,” he asserts.
“And then the capital city [Antananarivo] goes Ant-ana-ant-anananant-anananarivo – really long names. It makes the road signs hilarious because they’re all sixteen feet across when you go into a village.”
THE PIRATE-INSPIRED MISSION
EACH equipped with a sports car of their choosing, the trio first embarks on a drag race along Reunion Island’s coastal highway, the most expensive stretch of road ever built, at a cost of 1.7 billion euros (£1.5 billion).
“We were the first people ever to drive on it,” remarks Jeremy.
“You can fly for 13 hours and then land – still in France, that’s astonishing in itself – and then it’s astonishing to see the EU at work.”
“I was a Remainer and a fervent believer in the EU and what it stands for, but when you see something like that you just think ‘Oh for heaven’s sake, no wonder Brexit won when we’re s******g this much money on a completely unnecessary vanity project on the other side of the world’.”
At this point, things take a turn for the dramatic, as series producer “Mr Wilman” signals for the presenters to embark on their next task: track down the buried treasure.
Taking on one of the world’s most treacherous roads as part of their mission, Madagascar’s Route Nationale 5, the three sports cars undergo extensive modifications in a bid to make it across the treacherous landscape.
THE FRANKENSTEIN SPORTS CARS
WITH James opting for a track day Caterham, Jeremy for a Bentley Continental and Richard for a Ford Focus RS, the newly modified cars set out to tackle the island’s rugged terrain.
“It was a proper car-y adventure where we pushed things beyond their natural limits and I quite enjoy that sort of thing,” remarks James of the challenge.
“I have always wanted to do that with one of those Caterhams, and I have always had a sort of hunch that it would work, and it did work – better than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams
“You thought it was just for car nerds who bore you at petrol stations and go on track days but it turns out it’s for explorers – and even [Caterham] didn’t know that.”
As with most of Richard’s past car modification choices, the presenter adopted the “no half measures” approach, declaring he “wanted something that was really fun to spank around in”.
“When it became clear we would be punishing these things off-road I realised that essentially a rally car for the road wasn’t going to be ideal for proper off-roading.
“So, in my wisdom I then put it on tracks. The tracks were amazing but perhaps are more designed with snow in mind.”
As for Jeremy’s Bentley Continental? “I loved that car so much I arranged to have it shipped back and it’s currently living with me on the farm at home – which I’ve never done with any car,” he declares.
LIFE AFTER MADAGASCAR
WITH filming for the special taking place prior to Covid and the resulting national lockdown, editing was the only stage notably impacted.
However, given the sheer amount of time the presenters spend in each others’ company, how would they survive being locked down in a house together?
“There’s two answers there,” says Richard.
“One, my immediate answer is a sense of utter revulsion and terror at the very prospect – dear God.
“But actually, do you know what? Probably better than most, because we’ve been working and living together in a bubble for twenty years anyway.
“A while ago, I was making my breakfast – spreading some Marmite on toast – and James was standing there and he suddenly erupted.
“It turns out he hates the way I spread my Marmite to the edge of the toast and just detonated at me – and that’s when we both stopped and realised we’ve spent too long together.
“It’s not only the fact that he’s noticed that, it’s that for some years that’s been annoying him – the way I make my own breakfast.
“It speaks of how many breakfasts we’ve all shared.”
You thought it was just for car nerds who bore you at petrol stations... it turns out it’s for explorers – even [Caterham] didn’t know that
James May on his adapted Caterham