Their‘Victims find it hard to leave – that’s why we have to talk about abuse’
DOMESTIC ABUSE IN THE REGION HAS SOARED BY ALMOST 200 PER CENT* BUT ONE WOMAN IS DETERMINED TO SUPPORT THOSE WHO SUFFER – HELPED BY THE SAFE HAVENS A CHARITY AND BANK ARE PROVIDING
LIVING in an abusive relationship isn’t the same for everyone – but many will spend years agonising about whether or not to leave their partner. Some, for example, might think that if they go it alone they won’t be able to afford to pay bills, particularly if they have children. But, as Pride of Manchester winner Jane Gregory proves, there is a brighter future out there once you escape an abusive partner.
“The first thing I’d say to people is that if they’re feeling uncomfortable about something, or someone is making them feel bad, then there’s an issue,” says Jane. She was named TSB’s Community Hero for her tireless work with the Salford Survivor Project, the volunteer-run charity she set up after two local women were murdered by their abusive expartners. It has helped thousands of people escape domestic abuse.
“People are ashamed by abuse, and they need confidence to escape it” Pride of Manchester winner Jane Gregory
Jane explains: “If you’re being made to feel uncomfortable by your partner and you tell them, but they still continue to do what they’re doing, that’s abuse.” Jane knows this only too well – she was also in an abusive relationship – and so do thousands of others: domestic abuse-related crimes in Greater Manchester have shot up by about 170 per cent since 2015, according to Home Office figures.
Abuse can take many different forms, from more visible signs such as violence to insidious and easierto-hide ill-treatment like financial control, which includes not paying bills or gambling with money you need for essentials. (Jane’s expartner remortgaged the house without her knowing.) “There’s a shame around abuse, but we need to talk about it. It’s often intelligent women who find themselves victims of financial abuse, and often they’re empaths, who are easy targets as they see the good in people.”
One of the toughest things about domestic abuse is deciding where to draw the line – and plucking up the courage to leave. With the cost of living crisis biting, more people are finding themselves stuck in an abusive relationship because they think they can’t afford to live on their own.
They might also be worried about their safety, feel threatened by their partner or be swayed by promises that things will change. “It’s really hard to set boundaries, but you need to learn how to do it and not feel like you’re doing anything wrong by pointing out how someone’s making you feel. Some abuse is extreme, but we want to get people to recognise the subtle signs, too. If people are being financially controlled, they might blame themselves and take responsibility for the other person’s actions. Rather than confronting the situation, they’ll try and find a way around it – so that might be getting an extra job.
“They don’t want to cause a row and they might think they’d be far worse off if they left, but once you’re on the other side you’ll see how much better off you are than living with the abuser, who could take all your savings, run up debts in your name and ruin your credit rating.”
One in four women and one in six men will experience domestic abuse in their lifetimes, so the charity Hestia has launched its UK SAYS NO MORE campaign to pro
vide Safe Spaces in branches of TSB, as well as more than 5,000 pharmacies, including Boots and Morrisons, around the UK.
The scheme, supported by the players of People’s Postcode Lottery, offers all victims of domestic abuse a place to safely access specialist support and call a friend or family member.
All they have to do is ask in-store and staff, who have received training to support those suffering domestic violence, will take them to a private room to access help. TSB Safe Spaces are open to all – you don’t have to be a customer to use one.
“Safe Spaces are an amazing idea,” says Jane. “Just unloading that burden can make all the difference. Whenever I’ve been with someone going into a police station to report abuse they feel physically sick on the way in, but once they’ve talked about it they feel like a weight’s been lifted.
“By somebody coming in to TSB and speaking to an adviser, they’ll get the support they need. The most important part is their feelings being validated, so having a Safe Space to do that is so important. The more we talk about the signs of abuse and our experiences, the more people will have the confidence to recognise it and leave.”