‘We all need to let go of debt shame’
was forced to admit there was no money left.
‘I’d been moving small amounts from one account to another to plug the gap but it had become difficult to juggle it all,’ says Clare, who lives in Bath with her husband and two children. ‘After that call, it dawned on me that it was totally unsustainable and it was having a massive impact on my mental health.’
She made the decision to write down everything she owed, which amounted to £25,000 of credit card debt and £2,000 of overdraft. Feeling angry with herself, she decided to ‘offload somewhere’ and set up the @myfrugalyear account on Instagram, which now has nearly 60,000 followers.
‘It felt like it was only me in that position but the account started to get traction and I realised this is something that’s really common,’ says Clare, who until March ran the account anonymously before outing herself in a magazine article. She also believes there is a distinct turning point in our willingness to discuss financial matters openly.
‘I can remember at university everybody talked about how broke they were but once you leave that bubble it quickly becomes apparent whose parents will give them a house deposit, who’s motivated by money and who isn’t, and who understands finances – because there isn’t a universal financial education for people,’ she says.
‘In time, it creates an unintentional hierarchy among friends and family, and nobody wants to talk about it.’
But things need to change. The average UK household debt in January 2020 stood at almost £15,400, according to the Trades Union Congress, while data from the Adult Psychiatric Morbidity Survey revealed more than 100,000 people in debt attempt suicide each year. The fact money and debt is often associated with guilt and shame shouldn’t be underestimated. ‘One of the messages I’m trying to get out is that we have to talk about this stuff and let go of the shame if we’re going to fix it properly,’ says Clare. ‘I wanted the book to be empathetic as well as include vital practical tips I’ve learned, such as the transformative effect of saying “I have debt, not I’m in debt”. Just that tiny shift in language has a huge impact.
‘Again, it comes down to shame and allowing financial difficulty to define you. You can’t access practical sources of help if you’re too ashamed to talk about it so it helps people feel it’s fixable.’ Part memoir, part guide, the book’s first section is dedicated to fixing the foundations.
‘You have to understand the mistakes you’ve made in order to not make them again and to build better habits,’ she says. ‘Debt or not being able to save are symptoms of a difficult relationship with money and they don’t just happen on their own.
‘It’s not easy and it can be really painful to examine in detail the mistakes you’ve made but you need to write about how you feel when you spend money, whether it’s elation or anxiety. How does it feel to look at your bank balance?’
You can then start taking control, such as catching yourself when you are about to make an impulse buy. ‘Ask yourself, “How am I feeling right now? Am I trying to fix that feeling by buying this thing, and is it going to fix that feeling?” Usually the answer is no,’ says Clare, who also suggests checking your bank account regularly so there are no surprises.
Budgeting is obviously key, especially if you feel trapped in that payday-to-payday cycle.
‘People tend to think of being on a budget in the same way as they think of being on a diet – it’s a short-term, very strict, very horrible thing you need to endure in order to get to where you want to be,’ she says. ‘But it should be something you live with generally.’
But don’t berate yourself if you’re not feeling prepared for the potential financial disarray.
‘As soon as you identify you’re going to have financial issues, don’t internalise it, make it your fault and let it affect your self-worth,’ says Clare. ‘And don’t be embarrassed about taking the help, whether it’s speaking to family or the bank, or places like Step Change (stepchange. org). They provide judgement-free advice and you don’t have to be enact their plans, you can just speak to them.’ ’
People tend to think of being on a budget in the same way as being on a diet
Real Life Money: An n Honest Guide To o Taking Control Of Your r Finances (Headline e Home) is out now w