SIXTY SECONDS
THE COMEDIAN, 43, ON HOSTING THE WEAKEST LINK, TRYING CANOEING, AND JIMMY CARR’S HISTORY OF DRESSAGE
As evidenced by A League Of Their Own and Rob & Romesh Vs, you’re a huge sports fan – yet you’re rubbish at everything…
I’m so crap, sometimes Jamie Redknapp and Freddie Flintoff [his League Of Their Own cohorts] look at me like I’m not of the same species. With Olympians, I can’t even imagine what it’s like to work towards performing really well on a day every four years. It’s so high-stakes. They have a laser-like focus. I really admire it but I can’t begin to relate to it.
If I try something for a little bit and I can’t do it, I don’t have any inclination to carry on working at it.
Any niche sports you’ve got into for Tokyo 2020?
We had a go at Olympic canoeing for League – you’ll see it in the next series. You’re sat in a lunge position and kneeling up, with one oar… I couldn’t even get into position! Kneeling on the ground for any amount of time is annoying, let alone on an actual boat.
Anything else?
Jimmy Carr said to me on League the other day, and I don’t know if this is true, but you know dressage? Where the horses clippity-clop in a dancey way? Apparently that originates from when they’d be fighting and they’d knock a soldier down and, to make sure they were dead, the horse would stamp up and down on them. I don’t know if this is Jimmy winding me up…
And you’re also going to present The Weakest Link. Are you going to be as mean as Anne Robinson?
Obviously Anne Robinson hosted it brilliantly but it’s not going to be me trying to be Anne Robinson. There’ll be ribbing there, from a place of affection. It’s the first thing I’ve talked to my wife about that I’ve done work-wise that she’s got remotely excited about. I’m excited but also slightly nervous.
Any tips from Anne?
She did a very nice tweet wishing me luck. I imagine the first night the first show goes out, social media is going to be a bin fire.
What would your weakest subject be?
I’m terrible at history. You know on Love Island when somebody goes, ‘Is Majorca another planet?’ and then it goes viral? I’m worried I’m going to say something humiliating like that about history. Like ‘So were Hitler and Henry VIII friends then?’ My friends find it unbelievable.
I shinned the ball over and the crowd sounded like the army of orcs in The Lord Of The Rings
When was the last time you were the weakest link?
It was when I was a teacher at the sixth form versus staff football game. All of the school would turn up to watch as it was a great opportunity to see sixth formers kneecapping members of staff. I only came on for the last three minutes. Mr Bagnall, who was playing on the left wing, tears up the field, I run into a space, and because I was so crap nobody bothers to mark me. Mr Bagnall crosses the ball to me and I’m completely unmarked, right in front of the goal. In my head my brain went, ‘How are you going to celebrate this after you’ve scored?’ and then, as the ball came into me, I just shinned it straight over the crossbar. It was more difficult to miss it.
Oh dear…
The noise from the crowd! It sounded like the army of orcs at the end of The Lord Of The Rings. It was deafening. People were just chanting ‘get off Ranggers, get off Ranggers’ for the remaining two-and-ahalf minutes. Having to teach the next day was awful. I commanded no respect in the classroom at all. It was one of the reasons I think I left teaching, to be honest with you!
You have a Radio 2 series called For The Love Of Hip Hop. What’s
the best album to get started?
The album that got me into hip hop was It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back by Public Enemy. But if you just wanted to dabble a little bit I’d say Midnight Marauders by A Tribe Called Quest is one of the greatest hip-hop albums of all time and a great gateway album. For something more modern, Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp A Butterfly shows where hip hop has moved on to.
Biggie or Tupac?
I’m Biggie but I got into a lot of trouble because I did a podcast called Hip Hop Saved My Life and on the first episode I was very affirmative about Biggie. I think Tupac was great but Biggie had a dodgy eye and was overweight – he was a rapper who was like me. But I got so much heat!
Are you excited about doing stand-up again?
When lockdown happened I was in the middle of a run at the Hammersmith Apollo. If you don’t perform, you lose your sharpness. I’ve been trying to get match fit so I’ve gigged as much as I can. The narcissism of a stand-up desperate to perform is tragic. I did Zoom gigs. I don’t know if there’s anything more pathetic than my wife walking past the dining room and seeing me scream into a laptop.
Ranganathan’s For The Love Of Hip Hop starts on Radio 2 tomorrow