DEANO’S WORLD NAKED COLUMNIST OF THE YEAR
TAX FARCE TAKES THE BISCUIT HACKED OFF WITH NO NEWS
IT’S that time of year again when Moira Stewart comes on the telly and wireless to remind us we need to send in our Self-assessment tax forms.
Perhaps we should remind the Government right back that they failed to collect £25BILLION in tax from big businesses who took the chief taxman out for a slap-up feed or three.
To put that into context, if the big firms paid what they owed, the rest of us could ALL have a 6p cut in the basic rate and could spend more of our own money on whores and biscuits. OFFICIALS are planning for a nuclear terrorist incident at Euro 2012 in Poland and Ukraine this year.
A football tournament attacked with nukes.
You have no idea how many times I have dreamed of that happening.
email: simon@sundaysport.co.uk
IN the seven days leading up to New Year’s Eve, no fewer than 14 people met violent deaths.
What’s causing this epidemic of death and mayhem? Too much festive booze? Resentful families cooped up together reaching boiling point?
I’ve got another theory. It’s journalists doing the killing.
Now that we’re not allowed to hack into people’s mobile KATY Perry’s back on the market, then.
Better have a gentleman’s wash, just in case. (Look it up on Urban Dictionary if you need to).
One report that did interest me was that fellow pop beauty Rihanna was “comforting” Katy after the split.
I hope it’s the sort of “comforting” so vividly portrayed in that classic movie phones anymore and the Leveson Inquiry means we can’t employ the traditional tricks of the trade, there is a terrible shortage of genuine “news”.
So I reckon some of the more go-getting scribblers are going out there and murdering people, simply so there’s something to put in the papers.
I think Hugh Grant or Alan Partridge should look into it.