THINGS THAT GO BUZZ IN THE NIGHT

Midweek Sport - - NEWS -

AS reg­u­lar readers of my page will know, I’ve just moved house.

So imag­ine my sur­prise when I de­cided to count up my dildo col­lec­tion.

As I do a fair bit of w***ing, I of­ten have to just stash one in the near­est draw, bag or even shoe if some­one comes along and needs my at­ten­tion, you know – like the win­dow cleaner or Je­ho­vah’s Wit­ness, that kind of thing.

I cleared out my be­d­room and found the grand sum of 32 sex toys hid­den around the room!

It was quite a haul! Any­way, I’ve de­cided that I now need some new ones.

I’m go­ing to ask my friends at the Pri­vate Shop if they can help and send along the very best toys they have!

And my old ones are go­ing to go up for sale at my on­line shop.

Watch this space fel­las, it’s the per­fect Valen­tine’s Day gift. FOR­GET

I’m be­ing Paddy Mcgui­ness and I’m look­ing for the per­fect fella for my sis­ter Alyson

She’s a lovely girl but hasn’t had a fella for a while so she’s asked me to go on the look­out.

The last guy she met started declar­ing undy­ing love to her on the sec­ond date and was such a weirdo she had to call him a cab and send him home.

So I’m look­ing for some­one more suit­able.

Now my sis­ter is gor­geous and I love her to bits so I don’t want any nob­heads.

But if you think you have what it takes to be the dream guy for her, then tweet me @lin­sey_­dawn FEL­LAS, don’t say I never do any­thing for you. I’ve found the new face of glam­our for 2012 – my pal Brooke Lit­tle.

Don’t be fooled by the name be­cause she is any­thing but!

She’s gor­geous and is only 21 and I think she will be the next big thing on the UK glam­our scene.

Brooke has nat­u­ral 30G and works with me at Red Light Cen­tral. The fel­las on there love her be­cause she’s got that girl next door look and mas­sive boobs too!

She re­ally wants to make it in the mod­el­ling world so I’ve taken her un­der my wing. She re­minds me a lot of me when I first started out.

I think we will be see­ing a lot more of Brooke!

So here she is in all her top­less glory! I hope you like her fel­las!

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