THINGS THAT GO BUZZ IN THE NIGHT

AS regular readers of my page will know, I’ve just moved house.

So imagine my surprise when I decided to count up my dildo collection.

As I do a fair bit of w***ing, I often have to just stash one in the nearest draw, bag or even shoe if someone comes along and needs my attention, you know – like the window cleaner or Jehovah’s Witness, that kind of thing.

I cleared out my bedroom and found the grand sum of 32 sex toys hidden around the room!

It was quite a haul! Anyway, I’ve decided that I now need some new ones.

I’m going to ask my friends at the Private Shop if they can help and send along the very best toys they have!

And my old ones are going to go up for sale at my online shop.

Watch this space fellas, it’s the perfect Valentine’s Day gift. FORGET

I’m being Paddy Mcguiness and I’m looking for the perfect fella for my sister Alyson

She’s a lovely girl but hasn’t had a fella for a while so she’s asked me to go on the lookout.

The last guy she met started declaring undying love to her on the second date and was such a weirdo she had to call him a cab and send him home.

So I’m looking for someone more suitable.

Now my sister is gorgeous and I love her to bits so I don’t want any nobheads.

But if you think you have what it takes to be the dream guy for her, then tweet me @linsey_dawn FELLAS, don’t say I never do anything for you. I’ve found the new face of glamour for 2012 – my pal Brooke Little.

Don’t be fooled by the name because she is anything but!

She’s gorgeous and is only 21 and I think she will be the next big thing on the UK glamour scene.

Brooke has natural 30G and works with me at Red Light Central. The fellas on there love her because she’s got that girl next door look and massive boobs too!

She really wants to make it in the modelling world so I’ve taken her under my wing. She reminds me a lot of me when I first started out.

I think we will be seeing a lot more of Brooke!

So here she is in all her topless glory! I hope you like her fellas!