SNOW JOKE! I WANT IT TO BE WARM NOW

Bri­tain’s No1 glam­our model SLIM...

Midweek Sport - - TV GUIDE - With Lin­sey Dawn Mcken­zie

ONE thing that has re­ally cheered me up this week is the trans-sex­ual sex ad­dict who ad­mit­ted she’s shagged more than 1,000 men – and most of them didn’t know she used to be a fella!

I think it’s f***ing hi­lar­i­ous! I hon­estly nearly choked on my corn­flakes when I saw her on day­time telly talk­ing about it.

She looks amaz­ing, I would never have guessed she used to be a man. I couldn’t be­lieve it.

Good on her for com­ing clean – but I bet there are a lot of men out there think­ing ‘shit’ be­cause they bonked her. I HAD a right nightmare this week­end in the snow when my car broke down and I was stuck in sub-zero tem­per­a­tures for an hour and a half!

And all I was wear­ing was py­ja­mas and fluffy slip­pers!

I was driv­ing home from work in the ice and snow at 6am on Satur­day morn­ing when I ran out of petrol. I thought I had enough to make it to the petrol sta­tion but all of a sud­den my car just stopped.

I couldn’t be­lieve it. It was mi­nus seven out­side and I had to scram­ble up a bank and wait for the break­down peo­ple to come.

I lit­er­ally thought I was go­ing to die. I was freez­ing my tits off. I couldn’t feel my toes or my fin­gers, it was aw­ful.

I was shout­ing down the phone to the break­down peo­ple be­cause I was so cold.

I couldn’t be­lieve it took them so long – I was on my own and I could have died from hy­pother­mia! I was f***ing fum­ing I tell you. MY new Staffie puppy Missy has been a right lit­tle so and so this week – she has been steal­ing my bras and hid­ing them and the other day she took one of my sex toys and hid it in her bas­ket! It was still buzzing and ev­ery­thing.

The builders were round at my new house and I had to sneak it out of her bas­ket and hide it be­fore they saw it! It takes a lot to em­bar­rass me but I must ad­mit I was red-faced as I quickly swiped it out of her bas­ket and stashed it in a cup­board! FI­NALLY, I have set­tled in my new house and I am lov­ing it. All the boxes are un­packed now and it’s start­ing to feel like home.

It’s in a posh vil­lage in Sur­rey and when I went to my lo­cal chip shop last week I saw they have got pic­tures on up on the wall of all the fa­mous peo­ple who live in the area.

There are loads of foot­ballers like An­ton Fer­di­nand and Danny Mur­phy and I think I should have my picture up there!

Shiv­er­ing

Thank God they even­tu­ally turned up. I was so happy to see them I could have cried. I looked a right sight stood there shiv­er­ing in the snow but they were re­ally nice and didn’t laugh at me.

They towed me to the petrol sta­tion and I made them pose for a picture with me so I could put in this col­umn as a way of say­ing thank you. They re­ally were my knights in shin­ing ar­mour!

And I must ad­mit I’m fed up of the snow and cold weather al­ready. I don’t mind look­ing at it out the win­dow while I’m all wrapped up warm in­side but I hate be­ing cold.

I al­ways get de­pressed in the win­ter and I’m glad the days are start­ing to get a bit longer now.

It’s nice when it gets dark later be­cause it means Spring will be here soon. I know the weather men are say­ing it’s go­ing to be cold un­til March and that’s re­ally pissed me off. I want it to be warm! I’M glad Denise Welch has come out and ad­mit­ted she had her hubby Tim Healy have split up. I do think she’s done the right thing com­ing clean and now she’s told ev­ery­one she’s not cheating be­cause she’s free to do what she likes.

But now I think she should stop talk­ing about her pri­vate life all the time. I mean what’s the mat­ter with her? She needs to keep it to her­self. EV­ERY­ONE is talk­ing about foot­baller John Terry this week and whether he should be al­lowed to be Eng­land cap­tain af­ter be­ing charged with mak­ing racist com­ments.

To be hon­est I think it’s right that he’s not cap­tain. Ob­vi­ously he de­nies ev­ery­thing and is in­no­cent un­til proven guilty – but the al­le­ga­tions alone are enough to cause a dis­trac­tion.

The play­ers should be fo­cus­ing on win­ning the Euro­pean Cham­pi­onship – if ev­ery­one is fo­cus­ing on the row it’s not good for the team.

Foot­ball should be about the team not about the in­di­vid­ual and Terry should re­alise that and take it on the chin. IT’S only Fe­bru­ary and al­ready I have failed to keep my up New Year’s res­o­lu­tion of go­ing to the gym three times a week.

I just haven’t had the time what with mov­ing and ev­ery­thing but I will get back into it.

At the mo­ment I’m re­ally happy with the way my body looks. I think I look like a nice slim girl – but I am not as mus­clu­lar as I was be­fore.

I can’t de­cide whether to stay the way I am or go back to train­ing hard and get mus­cles again.

I’d like all my fans to tweet me

and tell me what they think – slim or mus­cle?

HE­ROES: Lin­sey and her knights of the road

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