SNOW JOKE! I WANT IT TO BE WARM NOW
Britain’s No1 glamour model SLIM...
ONE thing that has really cheered me up this week is the trans-sexual sex addict who admitted she’s shagged more than 1,000 men – and most of them didn’t know she used to be a fella!
I think it’s f***ing hilarious! I honestly nearly choked on my cornflakes when I saw her on daytime telly talking about it.
She looks amazing, I would never have guessed she used to be a man. I couldn’t believe it.
Good on her for coming clean – but I bet there are a lot of men out there thinking ‘shit’ because they bonked her. I HAD a right nightmare this weekend in the snow when my car broke down and I was stuck in sub-zero temperatures for an hour and a half!
And all I was wearing was pyjamas and fluffy slippers!
I was driving home from work in the ice and snow at 6am on Saturday morning when I ran out of petrol. I thought I had enough to make it to the petrol station but all of a sudden my car just stopped.
I couldn’t believe it. It was minus seven outside and I had to scramble up a bank and wait for the breakdown people to come.
I literally thought I was going to die. I was freezing my tits off. I couldn’t feel my toes or my fingers, it was awful.
I was shouting down the phone to the breakdown people because I was so cold.
I couldn’t believe it took them so long – I was on my own and I could have died from hypothermia! I was f***ing fuming I tell you. MY new Staffie puppy Missy has been a right little so and so this week – she has been stealing my bras and hiding them and the other day she took one of my sex toys and hid it in her basket! It was still buzzing and everything.
The builders were round at my new house and I had to sneak it out of her basket and hide it before they saw it! It takes a lot to embarrass me but I must admit I was red-faced as I quickly swiped it out of her basket and stashed it in a cupboard! FINALLY, I have settled in my new house and I am loving it. All the boxes are unpacked now and it’s starting to feel like home.
It’s in a posh village in Surrey and when I went to my local chip shop last week I saw they have got pictures on up on the wall of all the famous people who live in the area.
There are loads of footballers like Anton Ferdinand and Danny Murphy and I think I should have my picture up there!
Shivering
Thank God they eventually turned up. I was so happy to see them I could have cried. I looked a right sight stood there shivering in the snow but they were really nice and didn’t laugh at me.
They towed me to the petrol station and I made them pose for a picture with me so I could put in this column as a way of saying thank you. They really were my knights in shining armour!
And I must admit I’m fed up of the snow and cold weather already. I don’t mind looking at it out the window while I’m all wrapped up warm inside but I hate being cold.
I always get depressed in the winter and I’m glad the days are starting to get a bit longer now.
It’s nice when it gets dark later because it means Spring will be here soon. I know the weather men are saying it’s going to be cold until March and that’s really pissed me off. I want it to be warm! I’M glad Denise Welch has come out and admitted she had her hubby Tim Healy have split up. I do think she’s done the right thing coming clean and now she’s told everyone she’s not cheating because she’s free to do what she likes.
But now I think she should stop talking about her private life all the time. I mean what’s the matter with her? She needs to keep it to herself. EVERYONE is talking about footballer John Terry this week and whether he should be allowed to be England captain after being charged with making racist comments.
To be honest I think it’s right that he’s not captain. Obviously he denies everything and is innocent until proven guilty – but the allegations alone are enough to cause a distraction.
The players should be focusing on winning the European Championship – if everyone is focusing on the row it’s not good for the team.
Football should be about the team not about the individual and Terry should realise that and take it on the chin. IT’S only February and already I have failed to keep my up New Year’s resolution of going to the gym three times a week.
I just haven’t had the time what with moving and everything but I will get back into it.
At the moment I’m really happy with the way my body looks. I think I look like a nice slim girl – but I am not as musclular as I was before.
I can’t decide whether to stay the way I am or go back to training hard and get muscles again.
I’d like all my fans to tweet me
and tell me what they think – slim or muscle?