Moira the same on Em­merdale

Midweek Sport - - NEWS -

THE Bar­tons’ ro­man­tic get­away on Em­merdale could have gone bet­ter.

John was strapped down while beg­ging a filthy, pant­ing Moira to “Stand on me!”

That might have been good fun in the com­fort and privacy of the Har­ro­gate Travel Lodge – but not in a bat­tered Land Rover hang­ing over a cliff edge like a York­shire ver­sion of The Ital­ian Job (t’ital­ian Job?).

They came a crop­per while driv­ing through the icy Moors, lis­ten­ing to the mu­sic of their youth. John was so en­grossed in the Stone Roses, he did not no­tice the stone wall.

Be­fore that it was the Kate Bush hit Run­ning Up That Hill, which was ironic con­sid­er­ing they were about to roll down one.

Moira man­aged to scram­ble to safety be­fore the car plunged down the cliff with John still in­side.

He was rushed to hospi­tal and sur­vived emer­gency heart surgery, even re­gain­ing con­scious­ness for an emo­tional “I’ve al­ways loved you” scene with Moira.

Then she rested her head on his chest – prob­a­bly not the best idea when some­one has just rup­tured an aorta – and he died.

First her fling with Cain Din­gle; now this. She’s a heart­breaker, that Moira. Shame­less spoofed the

movie, with ex-hooker Kelly ly­ing naked on her back cov­ered not in rose petals but cheesy Qua­vers.

Well, they are the Man­cu­nian love to­ken of choice. Buy a lass 12 bags on Valen­tine’s Day and you’ll be well in.

Maybe the bad priest Fa­ther Do­minic should have tried that in his bid to bed teen temptress Ruby. She said no, which is a good thing.

Priests should not be al­lowed to shag teenagers – even fe­male ones – and there’s a Health and Safety is­sue, too.

I wouldn’t fancy kiss­ing any­one’s ring af­ter they’ve had a Ruby.

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