Moira the same on Emmerdale

THE Bartons’ romantic getaway on Emmerdale could have gone better.

John was strapped down while begging a filthy, panting Moira to “Stand on me!”

That might have been good fun in the comfort and privacy of the Harrogate Travel Lodge – but not in a battered Land Rover hanging over a cliff edge like a Yorkshire version of The Italian Job (t’italian Job?).

They came a cropper while driving through the icy Moors, listening to the music of their youth. John was so engrossed in the Stone Roses, he did not notice the stone wall.

Before that it was the Kate Bush hit Running Up That Hill, which was ironic considering they were about to roll down one.

Moira managed to scramble to safety before the car plunged down the cliff with John still inside.

He was rushed to hospital and survived emergency heart surgery, even regaining consciousness for an emotional “I’ve always loved you” scene with Moira.

Then she rested her head on his chest – probably not the best idea when someone has just ruptured an aorta – and he died.

First her fling with Cain Dingle; now this. She’s a heartbreaker, that Moira. Shameless spoofed the

movie, with ex-hooker Kelly lying naked on her back covered not in rose petals but cheesy Quavers.

Well, they are the Mancunian love token of choice. Buy a lass 12 bags on Valentine’s Day and you’ll be well in.

Maybe the bad priest Father Dominic should have tried that in his bid to bed teen temptress Ruby. She said no, which is a good thing.

Priests should not be allowed to shag teenagers – even female ones – and there’s a Health and Safety issue, too.

I wouldn’t fancy kissing anyone’s ring after they’ve had a Ruby.