Last orders for marriage after bar bonk

Dear Jemma, I’VE got myself into a right pickle and hope you can give me some advice.

I love a beer, like most blokes, and usually pop into my local three or four nights a week for a few pints.

The place is a typical old boozer but a month ago the landlord took on a new barmaid – and she’s an absolute stunna!

Talk about sexy, she’s got huge melons, a beautiful face and a backside you could rest more than a pint on.

All the regulars tried it on with her without success, but one night just before closing she sidled over to me and asked me if I wanted a lock-in.

I was well up for a few more bevvies and got stuck in after the other punters had left, but I also managed to give this sexy lass a seeing-to while she was bent over the pumps and spurted my population paste all over her incredible boobs.

The problem is that a few of the other lads know my missus and I am terrified someone will let the cat out of the bag. What’s my best course of action?

FG, Birkenhead