My mother-in -law’s a porn movie star!
DJ strip got me spinning DO YOU HAVE A SEX PROBLEM? BRITAIN’S TOP EROTIC AUTHOR ANSWERS YOUR PROBLEMS
Dear Robyn, ME and the missus have just made a terrible discovery – her mother has starred in porn flicks!
We’ve been married for four years and have always enjoyed watching bongo documentaries in the bedroom.
I get them from a pal at work who has a massive collection of these films from all over the world.
Anyway, me and the wife went to bed early one night and stuck a film in the DVD player.
The box said it was “Greek” from a few years ago.
But we soon discovered that it was in fact English – and it was real hardcore stuff.
There were close-up shots of sucking, licking, shagging and even anal right from the opening credits.
The action was so horny we soon had to pause it while my wife gave me a gobble while I licked her out until she climaxed.
We started the film again and watched this woman sucking one bloke off while another shafted her from behind doggy-style.
When she pulled her head away for the obligatory “money shot”, that’s when I recognised her – the MOTHER-IN-LAW!
She was even credited under her real name at the end.
I stopped the tape and we just lay there for ages, neither of us uttering a word until I broke the ice by saying: “She had lovely tits, didn’t she?”
That was the worst thing I could have said because the wife called me a bastard and jumped out of bed before running to the bathroom and locking herself in.
She stayed in there all night, sobbing her little heart out.
When she came out she said she was going straight to her mum’s to have it out with her.
But I persuaded her against it, saying that if she wanted us to know about her porn past she would tell us.
Now I can’t get it out of my mind and I have watched the film alone several times.
Each each time I have had a fantastic solo session over the images of my mother-in-law.
Now I’m thinking about asking the wife’s mum if she fancies a shag because she must know all the tricks.
I would particularly like to experiment with some back-door action. Am I being too kinky?
PH, West Yorks Robyn says: IF you are then it must run in the bloody family!
I would advise you against trying anything on with your mother-in-law because your wife is upset enough about what you discovered.
If she learned that you were shagging her mum, it could tip her over the edge. is that my stallion with long dark hair is abusive to me sometimes.
He has been foul-mouthed to me in arguments and called me terrible names, getting me into such a state that I don’t know where to turn.
He goes away and calms down, then he comes back full of apologies, undresses me slowly and takes me to bed and makes amazing love to me.
I feel like I have been cursed as I’m so addicted to his bedroom skills that I feel hopelessly in love with him and unable to leave.
Don’t get me wrong, we have amazing times together and I would go so far as to say he is my best friend, but the thing is I can’t take his nasty namecalling anymore. Help me!
Leanne, Southend. Dear Leanne, THIS is a very sad chain of events.
On the one hand you have met the man of your dreams; Every woman wants the ultimate lover – one that drives us wild in bed, that gets to know our bodies properly and takes the time to learn MY wife and I have a very active sex life.
We are both into roleplaying and our particular favourite is the “search routine” in which I pretend to be a cop and have to strip-search her.
We pretend that I suspect her of shoplifting and she may have stolen goods hidden about her person.
I get her to stand facing away from me against the wall with her legs spread slightly. Then I start to frisk her, running my hands all over her body and pausing for a detailed examination of the most intimate spots.
I slip my hand up her skirt and raise it before pulling down her G-string with my teeth to explore her moist fanny with my tongue.
Then I order her to bend over and prepare to receive my truncheon – in both holes.
I was telling two of my workmates about this game and they told me I was “weird”. Do you reckon there is anything wrong?
Robyn says: Dear Robyn, I WORK part-time as a DJ, doing weddings and birthdays.
I did a 21st for a girl a few weeks ago and ended up having the most terrifying night of my life.
I thought something was wrong when I got to the venue and found there were only a couple of guys. They soon left when the girls started knocking back tequila slammers.
Out of the blue, three of them wrestled me to the floor.
They took my clothes off and groped my todger.
It’s put me off doing parties. What do you think?
Robyn says: exactly what we want and it sounds like your man knows just that.
You say he makes love to you at every opportunity, so he fancies the pants off you, that is clear. This is evidence enough to tell me that you need to get him treatment.
There are many counsellors out there like Relate that will talk to you both and recommend anger management for him.
Just remember though; NO-ONE should lay their hands on you, so don’t let arguments get that far.