Milfs at the double

ITV1 gave us a double bill of MILF-hunting on Monday.

First Corrie cokehead Ryan Connor got stuck into Tracy McDonald, who seduced him to spite his mum Michelle for shacking up with Tracy’s “husband” Steve.

Poor Steve must think Tracey ( right) is a MILF too – a Mentallist I’d Like to Forget.

Then we saw the first instalment of three-part drama Leaving, in which a young university-leaver has a torrid affair with his older female boss.

It is a bit like classic movie The Graduate, but set in Warrington. (“Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs Robinson?” “Yeah, now hold me chips and get on with it before the next bus comes.”) X FACTOR found its new Frankie Cocozza on Sunday – a pretentious little twerp called Eddie String.

Judge Tulisa said she thought he might be a “cheese string” because he was such a cliché.

I thought he was more like a “tampon string” because you look at him and think: “Bloody tw*t.”

Talking of which, Louis Walsh made a startling revelation: he’d never heard of “vajazzling”. They tried to explain it is when girls decorate their vaginas, but he’d never heard of those either.

He soon found out, though, when a fishnetclad nightmare called Lorna Bliss treated him to a close-up view of hers.

She tried to do the same to Gary Barlow but he legged it, lapping the O2 arena faster than David Rudisha.

Despite the words of his 1996 single, he was clearly not interested in discovering “How deep is yours, love?”