Dr Helen can experiment on me anytime!

of Life. OKAY, it’s official – science is dull as f***. I can confirm this having watched the BBC desperately try to prove otherwise in Dara O’Briain’s

I thought I’d give them a fair crack of the whip. Maybe it was just school that made science such a turn-off, what with the lessons so boring that the only way to survive was by adding cocks to diagrams of circuit boards.

And fair play to the Beeb – they’re really trying here. Because this is supposed to be like Top Gear for eggheads. Instead of Clarkson, you’ve got O’Briain.

He’s all right – one of the few presenters who’ve pulled off that trick off of not appearing to be a massive dickhead.

In fact, the most annoying thing about O’Briain is the daft spelling of his name, which is really annoying. He’s joined by a gaggle of sidekicks and they’ve got a studio audience huddled around to whoop and holler at all the banter and stuff.

But that’s the problem – it’s very hard to whoop and holler when you’re watching some science slaphead demonstrate ‘taste perception’.

And a film showing people walking around in circles in a school hall to demonstrate some science bollocks or other is never going to be a belly laugh.

These experiments are like the stuff you get on Derren Brown – but without any tricks. Instead there’s just a load of jabbering.

It wasn’t long before I felt like I was back in the classroom – and I had the urge to flick spit at the dog with my ruler.

Sexy

But hidden away among all this turgid science shite is a gem called Dr Helen Czerski – and on a scientific scale of one to 10 she’s a cracker.

Here we have the key to making science interesting.

It’s a method that porn films have long since understood with their use of sexy lab assistants in white coats who just love inspecting the size of things.

Because whenever Dr Helen’s on screen science comes alive. As she sits on the settee in her short skirt, this whole science malarkey suddenly starts to make total and absolute sense.

Quantum physics, black holes, test tubes, graphs, thermometers, Petri dishes and equations and all that stuff – aye, I get it.

All right, so I might not be taking in everything she’s rattling on about, but she’s a scientist and she’s got 100 per cent of my attention.

So it’s an absolute joke that over the course of a 60-minute show, Dr Helen’s only on-screen for about six minutes.

Instead, she’s elbowed out of the way by the rest of the geeky bloke presenters whose natural home is a 2.45am slot on the Open University, where they can blabber on about fractals for the 17 viewers that are arsed.

But Dr Helen deserves better. What the BBC have here is their very own Rachel Riley. And now I’ve got this science bug, why should I be forced to spool through each show on iPlayer to find the bits where Dr Helen’s sitting on the settee? Why?

How can this possibly be helping to promote science? So come on BBC – ditch the geeky slapheads and let Dr Helen loose on her own show.

It’s not rocket science.