Justin Dunn’s WHAT’S ANNOYING HIM Clegg’s promises not worth a magic bean

NICK Clegg could have stood up this week and promised free golden eggs and a bag of magic beans to every child in the country.

All pensioners would be given a free mansion to live in with 24/7 butler service and a herd of tame unicorns to watch trotting around in the extensive grounds.

Unlimited resources for the NHS would be paid for by melting down the bullion of billionaires who wouldn’t mind one jot, because they’ll just go and earn another billion for Clegg to burn.

Wars would end, disease would be no more, wages would treble and the climate would stop, er, “changing”.

He could have said all that because right now it doesn’t matter WHAT he says.

Clegg may still somewhere in his little dreamworld think that he may once again hold the balance of power in another hung parliament.

But he can’t. This is after all the man who boosted university tuition fees to £9,000 a year and beyond, so one traditional section of his vote – students – is long gone. Vamoosed.

And it’s not just students who are deserting the Lib Dems in droves.

The dreaded polls – admittedly not always right, but in this case they’re consistent – predict virtual wipe out for his party at the general election in May.

Which means Clegg and Co and any promises they make are as relevant as squashed ants.

And did you happen to see any of the Lib-Dems’ performances at their conference in Glasgow?

If unlike me you actually have a life, probably not.

But some of it was pure comedy gold. Even during Clegg’s speech – normally the biggest crowd puller – vast swathes of the conference hall were empty and in the seats that did have delegates, most seemed to have dozed off.

And if only you had seen these Lib Dem delegates themselves.

Trust me, they looked like the sort of people often found sifting around charity shops wearing thick glasses prescribed for someone else and stinking a bit musty.

Or as David Cameron might describe them, a bunch of fruitcakes and loonies…