WHO SHAT ON OAP’S MAT?

A RETIRED dinner lady is at the centre of a POO-DUNNIT after someone defecated outside her home and left a SHIT-STAINED towel on her doormat.

Elizabeth Burgess, 61, who found the human faeces on a table outside her front door, said: “The smell hit me – it was so pungent and rancid. It made me want to vomit.

“Whoever did it needs a slap. How dare they come and sit on my table to do their business!”

Elizabeth had to clean up the mess at her flat in New Southgate, north London, after Barnet council’s health and safety team told her no-one was available.