Power cou­ple’s glam slam

Midweek Sport - - BATCHELOR ON THE BOX -

Len Good­man.

Nestling in the 3.45pm to 4.30pm slot, this is tele­vi­sion for peo­ple whose car­ers have warned them off watch­ing Deal Or No Deal be­cause it’s too much of an emo­tional roller­coaster – and gets them all worked up be­fore their mashed ba­nana at teatime.

Ev­ery episode sees Good­man meet up with a celebrity in a hol­i­day re­sort they went to as a kid.

So far he has met up with Hairy Biker Dave My­ers in the Isle of Man and strolled around the Isle of Wight with cock-shaped car­rot-con­nois­seur Es­ther Rantzen.

But here’s the prob­lem – or one of them at least. My­ers’ hol­i­day took place when he was ten, Rantzen’s when she was just six.

Kids of that age love hol­i­days be­cause they get fed a lot of sugar and can charge around all day.

But two weeks later they couldn’t tell you if they’d been on the Isle of Man, the Isle of Wight or the Isle of chuf­fin’ Dogs.

Rantzen talked a good game but the old girl had ob­vi­ously not got a Scooby about what to­gether for a year, but Tash was preggo within three months.

It must have been weird for her to see her belly again – once it stuck out fur­ther than her trout pout.

The show claims to of­fer a mix of show­biz glam­our and mun­dane chores, but this episode was low on glam­our.

There was a sprin­kling of it when some fans mobbed them for photographs in Tesco.

Then again, the Tesco was in leafy Cheshire and Tash is a Scouser – so she must be well used to be­ing fol­lowed around that store by a man with a cam­era. Even if he is just the se­cu­rity guard.

In Un­cle Len’s rose-tinted world, ev­ery­thing is sim­ply smash­ing.

He never lets on that most Bri­tish hol­i­day towns of that era were damp-rid­den hov­els in­hab­ited by surly in­breds – which is why we all jumped on a flight to Mal­lorca for sea, san­gria and skin can­cer at the ear­li­est op­por­tu­nity.

But why bother the day­time au­di­ence with a bit of truth, eh? It’ll only make them choke on their mashed ba­nana. DID you know that the Brum­mie lad from 5ive and the dirty look­ing one from Atomic Kit­ten – OK, the dirt­i­est look­ing one from Atomic Kit­ten – are an item th­ese days?

Nor did I un­til I watched the flag­ship of­fer­ing from new cable chan­nel ITVBe.

Seven Days With showed us a week in the life of Ritchie Neville and Natasha Hamil­ton, pop mu­sic’s lat­est “power cou­ple” – as­sum­ing you don’t mind your power cou­ples hav­ing about as much juice as those two AA bat­ter­ies rolling around your kitchen draw since Christ­mas 2007.

They have only

been

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