LET’S GET QUIZICAL!

Polly Anderson says...

6. RAIL fares are going up on January 2 by how much? a) 1.2 per cent b) 2.6 per cent c) 3.4 per cent d) 4.8 per cent 7. FILM director Bryan Singer has been sacked from the movie biopic of which rock legend? a) David Bowie b) Freddie Mercury c) Keith Moon d) Jimi Hendrix 8. PUB landlord John McGinn has had a string of complaints over an item on the Christmas menu at the Dog in a Doublet eaterie he runs near Peterborough. What hasd caused the offence? a) Santa’s Dick b) Rudolph’s Knob c) Porkers stuffing d) Turkey Twats 9. CHANCELLOR Philip Hammond has angered defence chiefs by saying the Army should be cut from 78,000 troops to how many? a) 65,000 b) 58,000 c) 50,000 d) 42,000 10. TWO war dogs doomed to be put down have been reprieved after public outrage. What are their names? a) Brian and Wilbur b) Fido and Rex c) James and Algernon d) Kevin and Dazz IF you need to do all these things to uncover an affair, you should be leaving the relationship anyway! There’s plenty of cocks out there – just find a bigger, better one! 1 Insist on a joint bank account. 2 Cancel their membership to a gym or sports club. 3 Delete their Facebook page. 4 Insist on access to work or personal email accounts. 5 Ban late night working at the office. 6 Check clothing immediately after a night out, because the scent of a lover is often evident on a person. 7 Ban hobbies such as golf, hockey or football, or supporting sports teams. 8 Insist on your partner letting you know their mobile pin number. 9 Ban same-sex weekends away – lads’ breaks or girls’ trips abroad. 10 Stop them going to a favourite pub or bar unaccompanied.