THE WORLD FAMOUS AGONY Page

Dear Sam, EVER since I bought a new car, a Ford Focus, my sex life has taken a disappointing downward turn. My last motor was an absolute mint condition 1984 Ford Capri 2.8i. The birds in my local used to beg me to be taken for a ride in it – if you catch my drift?!

I once had both of the barmaids from the boozer on the back seat – licking each other out in the 69 position while I sat in the front and bashed one out during their private lesbo sex show.

Well, seeing as the bloody Ford isn’t getting me any fanny action, I thought I’d buy another Capri. I found a lime green one for sale online with cracking alloys. I’m sure it will be another fanny magnet and help me get my dick wet again, but it’s a bit on the pricey side.

Do you think I should go for it? LP, Derbyshire

Sam says…

F**K Christmas off and splash all your cash on the car – if it means getting a jump! Dear Sam, I’VE been dating a new bird for about a month now and thought everything was going great.

That was until one night in bed together, just after I drilled her up the wrong ’un, she told me that she is bang into bondage.

So we tried a bit out and I soon found out she likes to be tied up, spanked and f**ked – which is OK, but she also likes to punish me.

The last time I saw her we did our normal thing. She told me to tie her up and I slowly kissed her all over before going down on her.

I spent ages getting her nice and wet before then knobbing her in both holes. Then it was my turn to be tied up. I was face down on the bed when I felt this excruciating pain on my back. It was her, walking all over me in a pair of bloody six-inch heels an afterwards she said she wanted to inflict more pain on me. But to be honest, I’m terrified. What should I do?

TJ, Birmingham

Sam says…

EITHER grin and bear it or find yourself another girlfriend who doesn’t want to walk all over you.