AGONY IS BROUGHT TO YOU IN ASSOCIATION

MY bird is a right flirt and it is getting me down.

Every time we go down the boozer she dresses herself up like a two-bob hooker and comes on to my mates like a right tart.

My pals all thought this was funny, but it’s beginning to grind me down.

Now the barmaid says that my girl sucked off the pub’s manager last Friday, night during a boozy lock-in.

It’s made me look a right c**t, but the problem is that I love my girl and want to marry her one day.

Do you think I should overlook this behaviour or should I kick this girl into touch?

Ashleigh says…

DG, South Tyneside GIVE the dog a chew to keep it occupied. MY mate has got an English bull terrier and it really helps him pull women.

We were walking the dog in the park the other day when a blonde Scottish bird stopped to stroke his pet.

My pal ended up getting her phone number and he’s been riding her ever since.

I thought I’d try the same tactic, so I took the pooch out to a park and just hung around trying to look cool.

There wasn’t much happening though, so I walked to another park and sat feeding the ducks in the lake.

A girl came along and sat beside me, and although she wasn’t much of a looker – a munter, in fact – we swapped numbers. I told my mate and he just creased up. Every time my phone rings, I’m petrified it might be her.

What should I do? CD, Merseyside TAKE your terrier to another park and there’s always a chance you’ll meet other dogs – and hopefully their attractive female owners.

Happy breeding! KL, Cheshire NOBODY likes being made a fool of. Give this girl the elbow. MY girlfriend has got a Jack Russell terrier that is very protective towards her.

The other night she stripped off and teased my throbbing knob with her tongue and tits before deepthroating me expertly.

I then returned the favour and licked out her wet pussy while she wriggled with pleasure.

She was so turned on that she was literally screaming out loud for me to f**k her.

I was starting to give her a right seeing-to when I felt this unbelievable pain in my arse.

Her bastard dog had sunk its teeth in me and was treating my bum like raw meat.

She thought it was highly amusing. But I don’t want to tell her to choose between the dog and me because I think she’d go for the mutt – and I’d look a right bellend.

What should I do?