THE WORLD FAMOUS AGONY

AGONY IS BROUGHT TO YOU IN ASSOCIATION

I’M married to a 15-stone wobbler who, when we first wed, was a shapely good-looking bird.

The amazing thing is that she can go from 15st to eight stone in a matter of six months, so for half the year I have a sexy, slim wife who looks like Gwyneth Paltrow and for the rest a lard-arse.

To keep my spirits up while she’s in her fat phase, she lets me do her up the back door. Often I can go for hours as the sight of her flabby arse is no turn-on at all.

But when she is super slim I tend to come quicker than a speeding bullet. Is there anything I can do to get some equilibrium?

GF, Merseyside WHY not try thinking of of your wife when she’s fat to slow you down? I AM 25 and have a wicked girlfriend. We have been together for seven months and she is an amazing person.

But I am beginning to think she is about to break up with me because I can’t get it up in the bedroom with her.

My girlfriend has got a huge, hairy muff and it really turns me off. I’ve asked her to shave it but she refused and then sat on my face to ram the point home.

Am I being reasonable? I’M 22, busty, blonde and I love sex.

My first boyfriend left me because every time we went out I’d be gagging for a bonk.

Honestly, it didn’t matter where we were – out in the woods, in the park, a bus shelter, phone box, his parents’ house, wherever, I’d always make sure I got my oats.

One time we were at the cinema and I got the urge, so I started rubbing his cock and then dragged him to the loos where his fizzy drink spilt all over my popcorn.

We had an argument because he said he’d missed the film and said he’d rather I’d waited until it finished.

But my favourite place for a quickie is in the changing rooms of clothes shops. Sadly my fella would never be able to perform in such a place. Martin, North Yorks YES – it’s her muff and she can do what she wants with it. Maybe ask her to trim it instead.

So we split up and since then I’ve found plenty of fellas who’ll go for it, sometimes even the good-looking staff in the shop.

Last week I f**ked a hunky bloke in his forties who came to service my boiler.

I chatted him up and then serviced his cock with my tongue.

I then let him have me in both holes over the sink – it was so very horny!

I’m starting a new job next week so I can’t wait to start having sex in the office.

I plan to shag my new boss. I even offered to blow him when I went for my interview – that’s maybe why I got the job!

I imagine it’ll be like a non-stop orgy with kneetremblers on the photocopier and in the stationery cupboard. Any ideas?

RP, Yorkshire

Sam says…

TRY the lift! Or what about over your boss’s desk!