I feel cobblers after corn-shagging wife

Dear Ashleigh,

I’VE been reading in your paper’s great columns how couples indulge in all sorts of exotic sexual practices – even if some of them are enough to make my eyes water.

Although I’ve been married for 15 years, the most adventurous I’ve managed to get with the missus was the night I took her doggy-style over the balcony on holiday.

She seemed to enjoy it, although that might have had something to do with the vast quantity of wine that we’d put away.

I’ve always fancied trying out a cucumber or carrot on her but was inspired when I heard a programme on the radio about barbecues and sweetcorn.

So the other night after a bit of booze I produced a corn cob, and as the missus was bent over the sink I rubbed it along her bum crack.

Thinking it was my cock, she turned expectantly and was amazed when she saw me holding the knobbly vegetable – and even more so when I blurted out what I wanted to do with it.

But to my amazement she agreed and, while she lay on the kitchen floor, I inserted it up her moist fanny.

After she’d had a huge orgasm she declared that the cob was better than my knob on account of its extra length, girth and texture.

All well and good, you’d think,but now I’m worried I won’t be able to satisfy her again.

What can I do?

Ashleigh says…

PLACE a regular order in with your greengrocer.