SPEW IDIOT! Boozer mistook his own vomit for blood
AWESOME Alexa Grace has a secret passion – she loves to have sex outdoors, preferably when there’s a risk of being caught!
The 23-year-old 32C Leicester babe said: “I remember once an old boyfriend of mine and I went for a Sunday afternoon stroll along a canal bank.
“It was a really hot summer’s day and we were both soon feeling really horny.
“I took his hand and led him into some bushes near the canal bank and we started to undress each other.
“I could feel his cock stiffening with excitement and I was ready to take it all. I was that moist.
“I decided I’d tease him by giving him a blowjob first.
“He was nearly ready to explode when a party boat with a bunch of lads drinking beer went past and they caught sight of us.
“The cheers could be heard for miles. And we didn’t disappoint them as we carried on and I ended up with my face covered in my fella’s juice.” A DRUNK got behind the wheel of his car after he mistook his own vomit for blood and feared someone had been murdered.
Darren Wharton pleaded guilty to drink-driving his Volkswagen Golf when he appeared before JPs.
Wharton, 44, was found to be nearly double the legal limit when he drove after drinking with work colleagues in Workington, Cumbria, on December 9.
Diane Jackson, prosecuting, told the town’s magistrates: “The defendant was staying at the Washington Central Hotel following a work night out. He believed he saw blood all over the bed.”
The court heard that Wharton then left his room, became “agitated” and decided he needed to get away from the hotel.
“He believed that he’d witnessed a murder,” Ms Jackson added. he believed there was blood everywhere.”
Wharton’s defence, Chris Toms, asked the District Judge to take into account that he had believed there was an emergency. SCENE OF NO CRIME: Hotel
He told the court: “It was a matter of a panic. He said he called police because he thought there was a greater crime going on. He thought that someone had been hurt.”
Wharton, of Carlisle, Cumbria, was banned from driving for 18 months and fined £500.