AGONY IS BROUGHT TO YOU IN ASSOCIATION

MY new girlfriend is a right cracker with flame-red hair, firm tits and a fine round arse. She’s really fit and sporty and plays at striker for a women’s football team.

Last weekend, she persuaded me to go and watch her in action and I wasn’t disappointed.

Getting an eyeful of all those athletic women in tight-fitting kits was horny enough, but seeing all those wobbly tits and flashing thighs soon gave me a stonking great hard-on.

And I was soon forced to sneak off to the loo for a quick ham-shank. When I got back to the match, I found out that my girl had scored while I was reliueviong myself.

But she’d clocked I wasn’t there when she was celebrating and at half-time she tore into me and told me I was a wanker for missing her goal.

What do you think? JC, Kent SERVES you right for using him. Get yourself some better social skills. MH, Bristol WELL, I have to say she’s absolutely right. I REALLY can’t understand it – my best mate gets way more results with the ladies than I manage.

The thing is, he’s as ugly as sin and has a face that only his mother could love, you know.

I don’t mind admitting that we first became friends because I thought I’d be better at pulling than him.

But although the babes often come over and chat to me, they soon seem to get bored with small talk and end up laughing at my mate’s jokes – and he winds up getting all the shags.

Just last week I caught him in a pub toilet with two blondes sucking him off.

He then had the audacity to invite me to watch as he took them both from behind.

What is his secret?