PAPER FOR POLITICAL ANALYSIS MATT HARDCOCK!
Will stiffy claim make health secretary’s career flop? IT’S THE SPOON WOT WON IT!
HEALTH Secretary Matt Hancock was accused of getting a HARD ON during the election campaign – and it could cost him his job.
Hancock, 41,was accused on Twitter of looking like “a golden retriever in disguise” as he was filmed in an odd clip that went viral.
He appeared to be nursing a significant stiffy standing next to Tory candidate Wendy Maisey as he supported her ultimately unsuccessful bid to become MP for Warrington North.
Blonde Ms Maisey – who has fine breasts – was filmed side-by-side with the Health Secretary as she faced the camera while Hancock was captured standing in close to the candidate.
In the 56-second clip, shared to Twitter, Ms Maisey said: “It’s been absolutely fantastic being here this morning with Matt Hancock” – then gestures to her left and takes a step away from him.
There appeared to be a large protruding item in the trousers of the MP for West Suffolk, which was even picked up on by BBC1 game show Have I Got News For You just hours after Boris Johnson’s landslide win.
Panellist comedian Jon Richardson noted how Ms Masiey’s left hand came close to brushing the bulge, quipping: “It was nearly a Hancock hand cock!”
The clip also set Twitter alight, with commentator Whiterose saying: “Don’t look at Hancock’s stiffy! Or the creepy look on his face as he hovers over her as she moves away.”
While Joe Glenton asked simply: “Does he have a lob-on?”
And Barry O’Leary, posting with lots of laughing emojis, pointed out: “You are aware he has an erection here.”
Luke Batton wrote: “If Matt had a stonk-on that close to me, I’d feel spiritually violated.”
And @sock_womble said: “His proximity to your leg is just further proof that Matt Hancock is a golden retriever in disguise.”
Westminster insiders now say Hancock – who stood against Boris for the Tory leadership – is expected to be demoted from the cabinet in a major reshuffle slated for February.
A source said: “Boris knows that boys will be boys and his own erection has got him into a fair bit of trouble in the past.
“But he can’t have his ministers going around pointing their erections at people. It’s what spin doctors call ‘bad optics’.”
BONER OF CONTENTION: Tweeters say that the Health Secretary is nursing a stiffy
ILLUSIONIST Uri Geller claims one of his ‘magic’ bending spoons helped Boris Johnson win the general election.
Tel Aviv-born Geller, 72 – a former pal of the late supernonce Michael Jackson – says he “energised” his spoon to ensure that beleaguered Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn was defeated.
He says the cutlery item in question was previously owned by Golda Meir, the former PM of Israel, who died in 1978 aged 80.
He wrote: “Met with #borisjohnson’s team, gave @BorisJohnson a spoon which belonged to Golda Meir. I energised this spoon with #PositiveEnergy as part of my strategy with the #mindpower of the #UK public to ensure that #JeremyCorbyn did NOT end up as #primeminister!”
But his revelation, posted on Twitter, was swiftly pounced upon by social media users.
Communist Nationalised Sausage Agenda replied: “We found the worst explanation for Labour’s defeat. This really blows the other entrants out of the water.”
And PoisonIvy_21 said: “You really are mad aren’t you.”