HE’S BACK! JUSTIN DUNN’S ROOM 101

WHAT’S ANNOYING HIM THIS WEEK?

FRANCE, never knowingly nice to its own citizens, has come up with a cheeky little ruse to further push government away from the people.

During lockdown, they’ve been dishing out fines for people naughty enough to step out for some fresh air.

That’s a staggering 1.3 million fines at 135 Euros a pop – earning President Macron’s government a tidy 175,500,000 euros!

Just wait for the merde to hit the fan. Again.

SLAGGING off Boris Johnson is all the rage right now.

Everyone with access to social media is not only a wise political commentator, but an epidemiology expert, too.

No matter that their clinical experience stretches no further than having once applied a Mr Men plaster to a cut finger, they consider themselves now up there with Hippocrates. Frankly, it’s embarrassing. And I’ve been reluctant to join the throng because, when nothing like COVID-19 has ever happened on such on a scale in any of our lifetimes, I figured cut the guy a bit of slack.

The nearest thing to this I can recall was when Aids emerged in the 80s and our TVs, a bit like now, seemed to be the voice of doom sat in the corner of the living room, regularly declaring the end of the world is nigh.

When the Prime Minister popped up on Sunday evening for his 10-minute address, though, my tether’s end had been reached.

First, why was this a

IT’S become as irritating as people on December 31 saying: “See you next year.”

Yes – it’s “fancy a pint?” Fancy one?... I could happily drench one right over my own face for the price of a small child. pre-recorded message? If he’d done it hours or days beforehand, why not tell us at the time instead of waiting until we’re all plastered after a solid Sunday drinking session?

Then there was the content of the speech itself. It was as clear as mud.

Stay in. But if you have to go out – to work, say – then go out.

But don’t go “out out”, whatever on earth that means.

Say hello to a family member, but only one of them.

Go to the park or the beach, but don’t stand in those places together.

Wear a mask and gloves – although you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

It’s all about as straightforward as trying to navigate the Spaghetti Junction with your car in reverse. While wearing a blindfold. Even though your eyes have been gouged out.

Then they couldn’t decide when the gradual back to work was to start. Monday, originally. Then Wednesday.

But only if you’re quite comfortable with the idea – otherwise, you know, just stay at home. Or don’t.

Confused? #MeToo.

RECYCLING day again. Once more ours imitates the sound of a skip full of spanners being emptied into a fish tank.