Sort your sh*t out, Boris!

JUST when you thought it was slightly safer to step outside your front door, along comes Captain Chaos again.

This week, Boris has decided that we really, really ought to wear masks in public in order to prevent any further spread of this coronavirus thing.

That will be the coronavirus thing that has been killing British people in their tens of thousands since February and saw us all enter into an unprecedented national lockdown a month later.

But it wasn’t quite a lockdown, was it?

I live about 50 yards from my nearest Co-op. Home Bargains is across the road.

And let’s be honest – we all need milk, bread and cheap noodles, don’t we?

Both stores have remained open throughout the non-lockdown. So has the local Sainsbury’s.

In all of them – and this is no slur on the really bloody hard-working staff – only a few wore a mask.

Sure, there were one-in one-out rules and distance measures on the floor, but that didn’t make a gnat’s chuff of a difference.

The oldies still barged past to get to the orange stickers.

Kids still picked up and put back just about everything.

And since March, while not being allowed to purchase a pint and drink it in the company of our friends, we have nevertheless been allowed to gather en masse in the supermarkets to buy much cheaper grog so we can drink ourselves blind at home – and without the bother of a barman telling us we’d had enough.

For months we’ve been pretending to operate in “lockdown” – when there simply was no such thing.

PLAYING THE FOOL? PM is causing chaos over masks

And the usual suspects have had a field day.

With what the Americans charmlessly call the “authorities” paralysed by political correctness, any old mob could gather at will and cause chaos without fear of serious retribution.

Want to pull down a statue? Go ahead. Deface the statue of the man who led the fight to give the twat with the spray can the opportunity to vandalise it without being shot in the head? Bingo.

But go to church? Bible-bashing heathen. Pub? Thirsty, dirty addict. Still, though, the vast majority of Brits who aren’t complete, tie-dyed twats pretty much went along with it.

And when the creaking doors of The Dog and Duck were finally wrenched open once more, nobody celebrated it more than me – or the other me that looked back at me in the mirror after closing time.

Now, though, after all that, Boris wants us to wear masks in public, even though his team member Michael Gove reckons it should be up to the individual.

Why Boris himself is now wearing one is anyone’s guess, too, as he’s famously recovered from Covid-19 and should be antibodied up to the eyeballs.

On Monday, Home Secretary Priti Patel (above) was photographed wearing a mask going to a meeting – only, once inside the meeting, to be again photographed without one.

This, Prime Minister, after months of pretend lockdown that never once mentioned masks outside of hospitals and care homes, is complete f**king madness.

Sort your shit out. It’s not part of the job description – it IS the job description.