THIS PIZZA WILL TASTE SO GOOD!

SO now we know…

The Russians might have tried to interfere in our elections, but they say they didn’t.

We’ve already been told that Russian spooks were responsible for the Salisbury poisonings – although, of course, Russia says they were not.

I don’t understand the point of all these inquiries into Russia – it’s like asking Bond nemesis Ernst Blofeld if he’s been a good boy.

Besides, they are always found guilty, we always do bugger all about it, and the lawyers on both sides always get richer.

Once upon a time, the paper’s readers – a dwindling number of lecturers and their spotty graduates who now infest the corridors of the BBC and Channel 4 News – would presume the Lancashire businessman had suffered a funny turn.

After all, how *dare* a northerner turn his back on Labour, party of the working class?

But Guardian readers, supposedly “liberal” and as dangerous as butterfly collectors, *completely* lost their shit. Blistering in high dudgeon, they swapped their sandals for hobnailed boots and reached for their virtual pitchforks.

Then they pointed their vengeful keyboards in the direction of Twentymans’ Facebook page and battle commenced.

One snarling “liberal” leftie posted: “The pizza was cold but not nearly as cold as the Tories.”

They said the meat on the pizza was “as chewy as the flesh” of people who had “needlessly passed away from Covid-19 under Mr Twentyman’s hero – Boris”.

Another one-star review said the pizza “had a stale whiff of whataboutery and middle-class arrogance”.

All this, just because Mr Twentyman had admitted doing what most of the rest of the country had done – including millions of Labour voters – and NOT voted Labour.

Not for him the slavish devotion to St Jeremy of Lost Elections.

As an employer, and as a floating voter committed to neither the left or right, he had merely taken the pragmatic approach, looked at the arguments and said “no thanks” to Corbyn’s weird offering from his weird version of the Labour party.

And because of one man’s candid admission, the online hordes of weeping Corbynistas organised a virtual pile-on against a pizza parlour. Cretinous, or what? So if you’re anywhere near Leigh – it sits between Wigan and Manchester – get yourself down to Twentymans and order yourself a pizza.

Not only will you leave with a full belly, it’ll give a bellyful to the lunatics who *still* can’t understand why the country keeps saying “no” to them.