My head for women’s figures could cost me

Dear Kelly, I’M a fully trained accountant with a great head for figures, even if I say so myself.

But I’ve lost count of the number of randy business women who have offered me sex when I’ve been sorting through their books.

At first I accepted all the offers – I’d happily give them a good seeing-to in their offices or during home visits.

Services

One busty blonde in her early 40s even asked for a discount on my services when she let me slip it up her arse. But now I’m a little bit more choosy about whose books, and indeed whose boobs, I get my hands on. Generally women who run small internet businesses from home are the most filthy in bed, I have found. I was recommended recently to a potential new client by another woman I’d serviced last year. Round at her house one evening, she poured us both a glass of wine, and within minutes she had her gob wrapped round my bellend while she fondled my plums through my suit trousers.

I confess, I didn’t last long, and ended up splashing my fat all over her hair and face.

But the next day she emailed me a bill for an emergency hairdresser’s appointment – saying she expected me to pay it, after glopping on her barnet!

I’m beginning to think sex with these clients could cost me a small fortune. Help!

Kelly says…

JUST be careful you don’t take on too much “work” – your cock might fall off!

Dear Kelly,

RS, Northants

MY girlfriend and I have been with each other for a year now and had the perfect relationship until a month ago when I walked into our local bar and caught her getting off with some random girl.

They were snogging in a corner and I could see that under the table they had their hands in each other’s knickers.

They were clearly getting off and giving each other sticky orgasms.

I pulled her outside and asked her what the hell was going on and she laughed and said it wasn’t a big deal and she snogs girls all the time, clearly unaware I’d seen them go further.

I know it’s not exactly cheating but that’s how she’s making me feel, in spite of the fact I got a fair old stiffy watching them at it.

What do you think?

Kelly says…

John, Sheffield

KEEP a close eye on her – with luck she’ll do it again while you’re watching.