The double-mellow melon twister in his own words and by his own hand.
I’d describe myself as… a big-nosed geezer with pointed ears. I try to stay away from reflection and that sort of shit. I avoided it for, what, 30-odd fucking years by taking drugs, so I’m not going to start doing it now. I’ve only just learned to like myself.
Music changed me… completely. Music, and LSD, really opened my mind, and luckily we got a band together. It sounds clichéd but I’d have probably ended up doing a long stretch somewhere, or dead. I certainly wouldn’t have been able to do a job. When I was 15, I was a junior postman/messenger boy delivering telegrams and that was great. Being in the centre of Manchester in the late ’70s was like an episode of The Sweeney. You’d be having a drink and watching strippers and dirty comedians doing dinnertime shows. But as soon as you hit 18 you had to go and be a real postman and it was fucking dreadful.
When I’m not making music… I’m being a dad, properly. The first time round I was shit – now, when I’m not working I’m with my two girls, cycling, going to parks, I love it.
My biggest vice is… e-cigs, and I’ve discovered gin. I don’t go to clubs any more, I don’t go to the pub, and we don’t have booze in the house, but before I go on stage I’ll have a few gins. I can’t get pissed up, though, my missus is too on top of it.
The last time I was embarrassed was… not long ago. I’ve got a thyroid problem and it affects your memory really really bad. Every now and then it goes up the wall, I’m going through it at the moment, and my memory is just shit. I’ll stop talking because I can’t remember what I’m saying, so yeah, it’s embarrassing. Otherwise, fuck me, I’ve spent my life being embarrassed I suppose about one thing or a-fucking-nother, that’s why drugs are great – cuts all that shit out, doesn’t it? My formal qualifications are… what’s the lowest one you can get? A CSE, like a ‘D’, in art.
The last time I cried was… not long ago, with the frustration of this thyroid thing. I don’t do depressed, but the thyroid condition brings on depression, agoraphobia, all kinds of shit.
Vinyl, CD or MP3? Whatever’s easiest.
My most treasured possession is… I’m not that sort of dude. But my Ivor Novello award, I love that.
The best book I’ve read is… well, I’ve not really read that many, but one I’m reading at the moment is Your Thyroid And How To Keep It Healthy by Barry Durrant-Peatfield. He’s the expert. Otherwise, Beatles and Stones biographies.
Is the glass half-full or half-empty? Half-full, now. Listen, you don’t get through 12 years of receivership, where 100 per cent of your fucking money’s took off you, without having a sense of humour. Otherwise I’d have hung myself. My life’s fucking great, apart from the thyroid thing.
My greatest regret is… I suppose spending so many years on fucking drugs. I can’t even really fucking remember it now.
When we die… well, energy can neither be created or destroyed. So who the fuck knows? I used to think when you’re dead you’re dead, but then I thought, No, I’m not lucky enough for that, so you go on some fucking mad mystical trip as energy.
I would like to be remembered… fondly. Heh!
Black Grape’s Pop Voodoo is out on August 4 on UMC.
“I REGRET SPENDING SO MANY YEARS ON DRUGS.”