Richard Millington
A placefor everything... and everythingin its place...
Some people have the gift of finding things, others have the gift of losing them ...
e all lose things. It is human nature. Back in the days I earned my living twirling spanners (and boy, that was a long time ago). I must have spent more time looking for my 10mm socket, ratchet screwdriver or sprocket twizzler than I spent actually using them. The only thing I never lost track of was my trusty Chicago Pneumatics air gun. It was on the end of the air line and if it wasn't then it was hanging next to it and the tyre inflator was on the airline. It was one or the other and whichever one it wasn't was next to it. Hand tools I was terrible with. I still have a perfect set of Snap On spanners, except the 10mm, which is some cheap replacement of a cheap replacement.
When I started riding I was no better. Arrive and chuck the bike keys in a pocket. Which one? Well, it depends which way I got off the bike, which glove came of first and whether it was a Thursday before a full moon ... I once rode from Land's End to John O'Groats, enjoying the first bike I had ever ridden with a top box that you could slam lock shut ... which I did, with my bike keys inside it. Why, oh why had I put them down IN the top box? Clearly it was the last Wednesday before the summer equinox. Fortunately my shame and blushes were saved: Did you know if you use a key of the same type and slide it in and out of the lock really fast, while applying a gentle unlocking pressure, that if you are luckier than a leprechaun the tumblers bounce and hey presto.
Probably due to repeated instances of feeling like a complete numpty I got better and now live by the old adage. All my gear is stowed according to a strict pocket plan than does not get varied or ignored. In fact, from hapless idiot I have, like many reformers, swung too far the other way to borderline OCD. I will wear my bike jacket through the airport if flying out to a destination so I know where everything is. Inside left, wallet; inside right, passport and phone; outside left, camera; outside right, glasses; upper outside, earplugs. The passport even has its own little freezer zippy bag to ensure it doesn't get wet. Bike keys? Trouser front right pocket.
But even then the nature of travel, new environments and the ever-changing landscape make it a prime time to lose things. I once lost a credit card in an ATM in Chile. Most ATMs work in the way of the UK, returning your card at the end of the transaction, but many in South America read the card and spit it straight back out, even before you have entered your PIN. I was trying to withdraw £1000. In Chile this is just shy of a million pesos. It was a long tour and some hotels would only accept payment in cash, so every chance was taken to top up the cash reserves. The transaction was 'approved' for something like half what I had asked for and out comes the cash. Suddenly I was transported to a cheap bar in Vegas. It was all in fives! Well maybe it was 50s, but either way it was a jackpot win with cash exploding out of the slot at an alarming rate. I am struggling to catch it all, stuffing it in pockets and trying hard to muffle the sound of the bumper pay-out from any passing Banditos that my imagination was now conjuring out of every corner. Moaning and mumbling, I marched back to the hotel to get to safety and count my haul. It was only then I realised that my card was still in the ATM! The ATM, I should add, was in the foyer of a local tourism centre. Running back I find it... closed for the night. We are shipping out the next morning and now I have lost my primary card. The next morning I sheepishly slipped away,having confessed to no one, and went back to the little foyer on the offchance. Clearly I have been a very, very good boy in some previous life, because the chap at the desk in the foyer sees me walk in looking forlorn, laughs, opens his desk drawer, waves my card at me and asks if I am looking for this? The ATM spat the card out after I left and then beeped insistently as no one had retrieved it. However, he snatched it in the nick of time and then locked it in his desk. He refused a reward, but accepted a donation to a local charity.
My reformation has saved me many hours of stress, worry and embarrassment. It has also blessed me with the ability to find things, especially for other people. My top tip is this. If you have lost something, it is either in the most obvious place or the absolute most ridiculous. It is either in the pocket you always put it and you just 'man looked', or you have done something totally out of character and that's why you can't and never will find it, but I can. It's true. I once found a distraught customer's bike keys in under 30 seconds in the minibar fridge in their room, where they had put them and promptly forgotten, but that's another story...
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