Ask Helen
Celebrity agony aunt Helen Lederer gives you her heartfelt advice every week in My Weekly
Village Outcast?
I live in a small village which until a few months ago was a peaceful, idyllic community of which I felt very much a part. After a political discussion that I admit got a little heated, everyone turned against me. People don’t speak and turn away if I speak to them. Will it eventually blow over if I carry on in a dignified manner, or will I have to consider moving?
Oh dear, this is tough, isn’t it? to be isolated from your community will indeed feel lonely and sad. you may have said things in public that have made you appear different from the other villagers. We are all entitled to our own view of things, and we should all be able to express ourselves without fear. So it’s important for you to recognise that you haven’t done anything wrong, just something that is considered different. there are several courses of action for you. you can just brazen it out – carry on visiting the shops and, very importantly, continue to say “hello” to everyone. Alternatively you could give yourself a holiday to take yourself out of the heat and perhaps reflect on events in a more objective setting, then return and carry on as if nothing has happened. Or you could just talk to someone who used to be a close friend in the village and sincerely explain yourself from the heart and why you said those things. you need to know what it is you want out of the situation. Do you think you need to apologise? if so, do it. if you don’t, you will need to find a way to carry on by being consistently open and available for a more reasoned debate. Compromises do work. it does seem extreme to have to move, unless you no longer respect the community that you are part of. the choices are yours.
Do you think you need to apologise? If so, do it!