Don’t Invite The Bridesmaids’ Mum?
QI’m a widow who’s remarrying in a few weeks. I’ve asked my granddaughters, aged 7 and 9, to be my bridesmaids and they’re so excited. My son, who is divorced, has asked me not to invite their mother, Lily – with whom I have a very good relationship. He says his new partner would feel uncomfortable, and is not averse to causing a scene. I’d hate Lily to miss seeing her daughters on such a special occasion. How do I sort this one out?
AHappiness is a precious commodity and new marriages are great and to be encouraged. The problems only come with deciding the guest list! It is wonderful for you to be in this position and it is your day, after all. Your granddaughters must be so excited at the prospect of dressing up and being important for you. Lily is their mother and at such young ages, they are likely to expect her to be there.
I can also understand your son’s dilemma. However to be threatened with his new partner’s bad behaviour seems a little premature and weak. I’m afraid that you do have to confront your son and give him some choices. It is your day and you must be allowed to invite the people that you want to be there. Then it is up to them whether or not they choose to attend.
Have a chat about various permutations of proximity. Perhaps it can be done in stages so that the two women can be present at different times? Just make it plain that you expect good behaviour from them all. Encourage your son to help make it work for you.
But how much better it would be to put such fears aside for a day. It may even bring the past and present together for the sake of all.
Have a chat about options – but make it plain that you expect good behaviour from them all