Cancer Taught Me About Real Love
When Gill was diagnosed with breast cancer just four months into a new relationship, she didn’t expect her man to stick around, but he had other plans…
I’ve always believed things happen for a reason,” explains Gill. “Now, after everything I’ve been through, I’m sure of it.”
When Gill’s 28-year marriage broke down in 2012, she hit rock bottom, suffering stress brought on by financial worries and the emotional effects of splitting from the husband she thought she’d be with until the end of her days.
New love was the last thing on her mind, but when a good friend suggested she tried internet dating, she decided to give it a go.
“It was a bit of fun more than anything else,” Gill (57) from Southend in Essex insists. “My friend had been on a few dates and we’d had a good laugh talking about her exploits over a couple of glasses of wine.
“When she suggested I create a profile, I thought, Why on earth not? I didn’t expect to get much interest,” admits Gill. “But to my surprise, I received quite a few messages.”
One though stood out from the others.
“Brian, a divorcee with a grown-up daughter, caught my eye,” says Gill. “We started messaging each other and I soon grew to look forward to them.”
So, in December 2012, just weeks after first meeting online, Gill and Brian had their first actual date.
“It was so comfortable and easy, we just hit it off,” recalls Gill. “Brian asked me if I wanted to meet him again the following night. Although I was surprised, I didn’t hesitate for a moment.”
The couple started seeing each other regularly, introducing each other to their respective families and even spending their first Christmas together.
“We knew it was moving very quickly, but it just felt like the right thing to do,” smiles Gill. “It was very soon after the end of my marriage, but it was just the tonic I needed then.”
However, in March 2013, Gill’s world came crashing down around her again when she discovered a lump in her breast.
“I remember a work colleague telling me it would be fine, that the fact I was menopausal meant my body was changing all the time, but I wasn’t so sure it was nothing,” recalls Gill.
“For some reason, I just had a feeling it was something sinister.”
Sure enough, tests revealed Gill had stage 3
breast cancer and needed to embark on a gruelling regime of treatment – and with no time to waste.
“When the consultant said the words, I promptly passed out,” recalls Gill. “Despite all the advances in treatment, I still associated the word ‘cancer’ with the word ‘death’. I was terrified.”
It wasn’t long before Gill’s thoughts turned to Brian and what the diagnosis would mean for their relationship.
“I knew what lay ahead for me and was well aware that we’d only been together a matter of a few months,” says Gill. “I couldn’t expect him to stick around for this. We hadn’t even told each other ‘I love you’ at this point. I knew it would be too much to ask.”
To Gill’s surprise, Brian had other ideas.
“I sat him down and told him I was giving him a get-out clause, that if he wanted to walk away, I wouldn’t think any less off him,” Gill remembers.
“But he turned around and told me he wasn’t going anywhere, and that I was never to talk like that again. I was amazed, and also so very grateful.”
The next 12 months were a long round of surgery, chemotherapy, radiotherapy and endless hospital visits, but Brian was with Gill every step of the way.
“He even moved in with me when I needed someone to care for me at home, which was a huge relief,” says Gill.
“My husband and I never had children, I have no siblings and my mother had passed away some years before. My elderly father wouldn’t have been able to cope. Without Brian, I honestly don’t know what I would have done.”
Gill is now cancer-free and only has to return to hospital for yearly check-ups, and says her relationship with Brian is stronger than ever.
“He saw me when I was at
He told me hewasn’t ’t goingi anywhereh and Iwas never to talk like that again
my very worst and still stuck around, which just goes to shows what a wonderful man he is and that he’s here to stay,” smiles Gill. “He really is my rock.
“When my marriage ended, I thought I’d never find love again, but Brian came along before I even knew I needed him, and cared for me in a way I honestly think my husband would never have been able to do.
“My cancer tested our relationship to its very limit, and we came out the other side stronger than ever.
“No one wants a cancer diagnosis, but I truly believe mine was meant to be. It showed me what real love looks like.”