Milestones For Grown Ups

Jennie discovers that life’s journey is simply one step after the other…

Look, Grannie. Look!” It’s Molly, my three-yearold granddaughter. She’s very excited – and no wonder. Just look at what she’s waving at me – a so-called Milestone Card.

It comes from a pack and there’s one for every occasion. They each have slogans on them, like I’m Six Months Old Today, or I’ve Just Sat Up For The Very First Time.

When my two were young, we never had things like that. Of course, we got excited – and relieved – when Baby rolled over for the first time or took that first step. We’d have told our husbands when they got home from work, and if we had time, we’d have written an entry in our baby books.

Now my daughter-in-law has countless pictures of Molly on her phone – propped up next to a card declaring one achievement after another. As my granddaughter takes me excitedly by the hand, I can’t help thinking about all the milestones along my own new life… FIRST TIME I LEARNED TO WALK

One step at a time. That’s what a friend told me after Matthew went.

“You won’t feel like moving forward but the more you try, the easier it gets,” she soothed. In fact, it was like being a toddler again, clutching at anything in sight just to remain upright.

FIRST TIME I FED MYSELF I spent most of my adult life cooking – non-stop! – for a busy family. It wasn’t until there were just the two of us that I realised we had different tastes. And I’m not just talking food. After Matthew packed his bags so unexpectedly, there didn’t seem any point in making a meal just for one. In fact, I might not have bothered if it hadn’t been for the… VERY FIRST TIME I WENT OUT

ON MY OWN I certainly didn’t feel ready to start dating again. Or even just take up one of the many kind invitations from friends. So for my first date, I took myself to the cinema – alone – to a film that Matthew would not have enjoyed. I even went through an entire box of Maltesers. Yummy! See feeding myself, above. FIRST TIME I WENT TO SCHOOL

I’d dropped out of university to marry Matthew. There hadn’t seemed much option in those days. There certainly weren’t any crèches on the campus.

“So embarrassing,” my mother had said, eyeing my pregnant tummy disapprovingly. My tutor had been more understanding. “One day, Jennie, you’ll come back,” he’d said reassuringly.

He was right. What he hadn’t warned me of was that it was more difficult to absorb a text book forty years later. FIRST TIME I TOOK AN EXAM Of course, I’d done this before as a teenager, but as you’ll have guessed by now, I’m talking about adult milestones. I used to be pretty nervous about exams when I was younger, but that was nothing compared to this! What if I couldn’t answer anything?

“Read every question twice,” my grown-up son advised, patting my hand. “You’re bound to know something.”

That’s exactly what I used to say to him before his own exams. FIRST TIME I WAS ASKED OUT I was so nervous after coming out of the exam (see above) that I almost made the same mistake I’d made with my first husband. In other words, I nearly said “Yes” without thinking. This time, I caught myself in time.

“Pretty difficult, wasn’t it?” said a bearded man who’d been sitting near me in my Classic Literature class. “Reckon we deserve a stiff drink. What do you think?”

“Sorry,” I said. “I’ve got to revise for the next one.”

I felt bad when his face dropped. If only he knew that I was actually doing him a favour.

FIRST TIME I GOT A JOB I still can’t believe I passed those exams – which in turn, led to me getting a job as an English teacher. When the children had been at school, I’d loved reading their texts and testing them on the school run. Now I was here, in my very own classroom! You hear a lot about unruly pupils and lack of discipline, so maybe it helped that my students were grown up. They really wanted to learn. Like me. FIRST TIME I WENT ON A

HOLIDAY – ALONE! Not that long ago, I wouldn’t have had the courage to book five days in Sorrento all on my own. All things considered, it wasn’t really the right time to go, but my daughter-in-law persuaded me. “It’ll do you good. We’ll be fine.” What’s more, I was enjoying every minute – even though my hotel wasn’t quite as “central” as the brochure had made out. In fact, it was very peaceful with beautiful hill walks and a quaint town nearby. My Italian was good enough to order dinner. Which just showed how far I’d progressed from Milestone Number Two.

FIRST TIME I FELL IN LOVE Georgio, the manager, was everything you could want in a man. Good-looking, courteous. Unmarried. And efficient. He was the one who tracked me down by the swimming pool to give me the “urgent” message from my son. He also helped me get an early flight home. It cost a lot but it was worth it. As soon as I laid eyes on the tiny baby in the hospital cot, covered with wires and fighting for her life in the Prem Baby Unit, I realised what some of my other friends had been telling me. There’s no other love like Grannie love…

There are lots of other milestones, but I have to stop right now. Molly is jumping up and down, yanking me into the nursery. You’d never guess that this is the same little scrap that got us so scared three years ago.

“Look, Grannie. Look!” She holds up the card that says First Time I Smiled At My Sister.

My daughter-in-law is sitting rather wanly on the nursing chair, holding a little white bundle. Both she and I know that Baby – who doesn’t even have a name yet – is still way too young to smile at her big sister. It’s just wind. But we all need our dreams – just as we need our goals. FIRST TIME AT GRAN CLUB It was my idea to set one up. So many of us grandparents have reduced our working hours to help look after “our” little ones. I’m late for the next meeting as it took ages to get Molly dressed. “We’ve a new member,” said someone. I take a second look at the man with the beard. “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” he asked. THE FIRST TIME I SAID “YES” When I turned down Jimmy the first time (see Milestone Number Six), I knew I was doing him a favour. I just wasn’t ready. Now I’ve moved on. It turns out that Jimmy is a single grandad too – and we’ve much more in common than I realised.

Tomorrow, we’re going to the cinema together. Without the kids.

All this has made me think. Maybe there’s something to those Milestone cards after all. In fact, perhaps I should make a proper adult version. I always fancied being a bit of an inventor.

“What would the first card say?” asked my daughter-in-law when I ran the idea past her.

“How about The First Time I Went On A Date After A Very Long Time?”

“Really?” she says, tucking her arm into mine. “You know, that sounds like a pretty good idea.”

We all NEED our DREAMS – just as we also need our GOALS