I Find It Hard To Stop Being A Carer
QAfter years of being a mum and rarely socialising outside work, I find all my social contacts are people who see me as a carer or a shoulder to cry on. When there is a chance of getting to know someone new I find myself falling into this pattern, refusing to let them get close and trying to do things for them. I feel empty inside, but hate the idea of being in that role with someone else – of being a burden to them.
AI suspect your job was as a carer of some sort. There are many lovely people who are gifted in that way – having the ability to care for others and get them to “open up” about issues and to help them. They really are “angels” in many ways, and the world is the poorer without them.
So how do you stop your “caring” and get into meaningful relationships that you do not have to “fix” and can just experience as an equal?
You’ve already taken step one as you’ve identified the problem. Step two is being yourself and being prepared to meet others on an equal footing – warts and all. In fact, people who are open about their weaker personality traits are often more endearing and easy to connect with.
Everybody has problems they struggle with, as I am sure you do too. Be prepared to discuss other people’s problems without trying to offer solutions – and talk about your own issues, too.
Friendship is not just about problems, though, but about sharing good times and experiences. Try meeting up just for a gossip, a cuppa or a cinema trip. Why not join a book club? Just get stuck in – without any baggage! You may be pleasantly surprised.
Try to discuss problems without trying to fix them – and share your own issues, too