When Your Friend Has Cancer…
You want to support her, but are not sure what to do? Just be there for her – and here’s how
Friendship is never more important than in times of crisis, such as a cancer diagnosis.
In a recent survey conducted by Macmillan and YouGov to tie in with World Cancer Day, 43% said they could not have coped without the support of their friends.
However, the survey also found that some people who faced cancer found their friendships suffered… but why?
Many people admitted they’d found it difficult to know how to support a friend who received a cancer diagnosis, with 61% admitting they didn’t know what to say.
Michel Howard, Manager of Macmillan’s Online Community, says, “While some have an amazing network of friends, unfortunately a cancer diagnosis can cause relationships to break down. People don’t know what to say to friends living with cancer so avoid communicating altogether.
“Cancer causes so many worries that are not just related to health, such as the impact on work and finances. It can be an in overwhelming time. So it’s crucial to feel supported. Simply being there and listening is often exactly what a person needs.”
Icouldn’t have got through cancer if it wasn’t for Esther.” Waheed was diagnosed with cancer in 2013. When she started having lower back pain, she put it down to stress at work or a strained muscle, but as time wore on, her symptoms got a lot worse.
“Eventually the pain got so bad I couldn’t feel my legs and I started to lose control of my bladder and bowels.”
Waheed saw her doctor who sent her to hospital where she was diagnosed with a tumour on her spine caused by a very rare and aggressive type of bone cancer. She quickly began an intensive course of chemotherapy which Waheed says was difficult.
“Treatment was really hard, especially being away from my two girls and husband as I needed to be treated at a hospital 50 miles away from my home.”
While her husband kept up his full-time job and looked after and reassured the girls that mummy was coming back soon, her Macmillan nurse Maggie, and best friend Esther helped her through.
“I felt lonely and Esther always stayed in touch with regular phone calls and text messages. I also felt I could speak to Esther more freely than I could to my husband, Anthony, as I wanted to be strong for him and our daughters. I was able to have frank conversations with Esther – if I wanted to talk about cancer, she’d let me talk about it and not be scared.”
Waheed is in remission now, back working full time, enjoying time with her family and her friendship with Esther is stronger than ever.
“I had to stay strong for my family, so I could speak more freely with Esther”