Ask Helen
She’s Moved In And Taken Over
Ensure you all speak up about how the group evolved, with no one person as the leader
QI’ve lived happily in a retirement home for the past 10 years. I have lovely friends and eight of us meet in our communal lounge every Thursday for tea and cake. Recently another resident decided to join us and now we all sit glum-faced in fear of her “opinion”. She brings a friend from outside the home, but has another afternoon with these friends that we wouldn’t dream of gatecrashing. There isn’t another day free to change our meetings to.
AWhat a shame that your group has altered so unpleasantly. From time to time we all come up against someone who wants it all their way, incapable of sensing when they’re not welcome.
I am glad you had 10 years of social harmony and I wonder how it was at the beginning, getting to know others and developing a lovely group? I also wonder whether others have joined or left this group in the last 10 years?
Change does happen in all walks of
life, but you need to make your experience better right now.
The new resident is not making you all comfortable, but is unaware of this. As a group, you need to tackle this in a generous way. Ask about her, her background and why she chose your group? In the ensuing conversation ensure all eight speak up about how it evolved as a group where no one person was the leader and that you just want to enjoy a pleasant time together.
If she does not mellow, the warden must get involved – insist a new meeting slot is made available. Explain that change is needed to avoid pandering to one tricky resident. She has another group; she can be encouraged to focus on that one. You all have a right to be in the lounge – but do try to make it work yourselves before more drastic steps.