Chris Pascoe’s Fun Tales
Chris has a fast-paced encounter with a member of the traffic police
Irecently qualified for a Police Speed Awareness course. This isn’t an achievement, as you only qualify for this by annoying the local police force.
While in most respects I’m a law-abider and usually stick to speed limits, I have problems getting up hills in my car, mainly on account of it being a bit rubbish. Therefore I have to pick up speed at the bottom of hills in order to arrive, quite a long time later, at the top. When there happens to be a speed trap at the bottom, I’m scuppered.
Strangely, I have a history of owning powerless vehicles. I once had a small motorbike that was so slow, a friend of mine walked past me with a cheery wave, while I was at full throttle. In fairness, that was on a very steep hill indeed. If we’d been on the flat, I’m pretty sure I could have pulled away.
My dad once saw me coming up our street on my motorbike and had time to nip indoors and come back out again just in time to wave an ironic chequered flag (tablecloth) in front of me, much to the mirth of our neighbours. Thanks, Dad.
Anyway, the speed awareness course, while at first feeling a bit like a short term prison sentence, proved to be really eye-opening, with the Police Trainer giving lots of hints and tips on situations such as being “bullied” into speeding by impatient tailgaters and on how to form speed-regulating habits.
Unfortunately he didn’t give any tips on how to get up hills in rubbish cars. Overall though, it was a great talk and convinced me never to speed again. In return I convinced the trainer that I wasn’t quite the full ticket. Or even the full speeding ticket.
I first came to his attention when he asked our group, in a conspiratorial way and with a wry smile, “Tell me this, when would most people slow down? When they’re passing a school or when passing a police station?”
Ah, a clever question, I thought. He’s making the point that people are more likely to obey the law – not when it’s the right thing to do, but when there’s a risk they’ll get caught.
I called out, with a sage nod, “Police station!”
He looked sharply in my direction.
“What? That’s ridiculous! Do you think policemen hang out of the window waving speed guns around?”
With that he shook his head in exasperation and the matter was closed. But I think I’d done enough to make him aware of me.
Being a nice chap though, he did shake my hand at the end of the course and we exchanged a few pleasantries. My closing goodbye sentence could, with hindsight, have been better… “Thanks again – I’d better zoom off, I’m late for picking up my daughter.”
As I walked back to the car, I realised with a cringe exactly what I’d just said.
As I drove away, I noticed he was watching me like a hawk. He wasn’t waving a speed gun, though.