Worried About My Sick Sister
QI’m so worried about my sister. She has severe arthritis, longstanding depression and other health problems. Thankfully our demanding father has recently gone into a care home but she drags herself out almost daily to visit him because he complains no one goes to see him (obviously untrue). She resists all suggestions of going out and doing something enjoyable, saying she has to clean the house – and her doctor won’t talk to me!
AIn principle, it should be such a help to have a sister to share all these big family changes with. Especially as your father seems very demanding.
Growing old and losing independence are big issues for him and saying that “no one goes to see him” is often the norm in this situation. But it seems your relationship with your sister has become challenged with this new change.
I wonder whether your father lived with your sister and that she had to do more looking-after than you? Even if
not, she may be feeling the change more deeply due to her depression.
Why not draw up a rota where you both go to see him but on different days? Knowing you will be there, she can feel free to clean her house during that time. But also, why don’t you insist you want to take her out somewhere lovely – a nice garden, perhaps? Shopping? Cinema? A spa? Get to talk to her away from the everyday worries. Reinforce your care and love for her and your willingness to be more available both for your father and for her.
Express your needs, too. Say you need her help in establishing a better future for all of you. She might allow herself to be nudged into a new and valued role. A shared trip to the doctor with your sister might then be feasible – where you can get behind her treatment plan together.
Insist you want to take her out somewhere