They’re Making Me Feel So Left Out!
QMy son and daughter-in-law have just had their first baby, a girl, and we couldn’t be happier. I thought they would welcome my help and support but instead I feel that they want to do everything themselves. If I’m honest, I feel a little left out. I know they don’t find it at all easy at times, and both look exhausted, so why aren’t they allowing me to get more involved?
AI wonder whether you can remember the birth and early times with your son. The excitement, the terror, the sleep deprivation, all the visitors and unwelcome advice… and how you just wanted to be left alone as a family unit to work out what it entailed for you. Well, they’re going through all that!
However, I’ll suggest that it may not be long before they need help and an extra pair of hands. As you know, it’s a
huge life changing event and people react differently as they adjust to being responsible for a new life. Some want to get it right first time and prove their maturity, others are all too keen to hand over the baby and share. It’s different with everyone.
Keep in touch but don’t offer advice unless asked! Let them know how pleased you are and how proud that they’re managing. At the same time, tell them you’re available at any time and can even give them sleep time.
If you are invited, turn up with food and drink – your son or daughter-inlaw’s favourite – but don’t overstay. Certainly say nothing critical. Ever!
It’s all so new for them and if you demonstrate that you understand and you’re available, they will be freed up to realise they need you, too.
Tell them you’re pleased they’re managing but that you’re there if they need you