I Don’t Want Her To Get Divorced
QMy best friend of over 40 years has just told me that she is divorcing her husband. I know that they have had their problems, but this is such a shock. Selfishly, all I can think about is the holidays we won’t take together any more and all the great times the four of us have enjoyed. She’s a really good friend and I want to support her, but how do I get past this?
ADon’t we just hate having to choose between friends when this happens? It is such a difficult decision and, as you say, all those shared memories as a foursome make it even harder. And I sympathise with your guilt at initially seeing the split from your point of view, rather than empathy at their obvious pain at separating.
But you inevitably will be more in tune with one party and I suspect from
your letter, that is your best friend.
While you will be feeling sad, your best friend must be suffering terribly and needs your support. Of course it would be decent as well as helpful to reach out to your friend’s husband as well, especially since you all go back so far. Perhaps your husband can take this further?
But try to be there for your friend, to talk her through all the necessary events involved in a divorce. Maybe you could even go away for a few days – just the two of you. You will find that this change is not the end of your world but a transition into a new one.
You will always remember your holidays and times together, but this is your and your best friend’s new life. You cannot control other people’s actions but you can be a good friend.
This change is not the end of the world, but a transition into a whole new one